For those of us who suffer from an ED, our eating disorder became our ‘higher power’ whether we wanted it to or not. This disease because the strongest thing in our lives, dictating our every thought, feeling, emotion, and action. We looked it to “change our life”, to offer us security, to guide us. It dictated how we acted and reacted to all things that impacted us, situations and our lives. All of the decisions we made were based on what the ED told us was the best for us. Our eating disorder became the ‘end all – be all’ and the most important thing we turned to in times of stress, joy, sadness, happiness and yes even excitement. I am here to tell you that ED lies!
Our higher power never causes us to act in a manner that is so contrary to our real value system. Nor will it cause us to become someone that we do not recognize and have no idea ‘who we are‘. A true higher power will never encourage us to act in such unhealthy ways. It would never encourage us to isolate ourselves. It would never help us to continue on our journey of self-hatred. No higher power wants us to fail. ED lies!
A higher power helps to encourage us to be the best we can be; to become someone that we ourselves can be proud of. It can help calm us in moments of distress and uncertainty. It allows us reach for inner peace. It can increase (NOT DECREASE) our faith and belief in ourselves. It should be someone/something that we can reach for when we are at our wit’s end and to keep moving forward. A higher power should want us to survive and thrive.
Some people call their higher power God. Others call it the universe or Mother Nature. Regardless what name you put on your higher power, it is a massive power that guides us in our journey of recovery. I cannot tell you what or who your higher power should be; that is a very personal choice. But I am here to tell you that it can be one of the most powerful tools in your tool box. Talk to it; tell it your troubles, fears, anxieties and negative emotions. Then listen in the quietness. Sometimes the answers to what you are experiencing will come to you quickly. Other times you will just have to be quiet and trust that your higher power will send you the answers that will come to you in time. At times the answers will be in a form you are not expecting such as a person who says the exact thing at the exact right time. Or maybe an ah-ha moment you have yourself. Your higher power will always give you what you NEED; not necessarily what you WANT. Converse with it and be patient.
FINAL THOUGHTS:
I know and believe that those of us who suffer from an ED of any type can beat it. It is hard work and at times feels impossible; but I am sure it is a goal that is obtainable to all of you out there.
KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you.
Wings of Recovery 