Wings of Recovery

Other people you want on your support team

Many of us have lived our lives while in the clutches of our ED in isolation both physically and mentally. We have lived our lives filled with fears and distrust. Though we don’t necessarily believe it, our friends and family can be one of our biggest allies and sources of support. Deciding who to turn to in times of need can be very hard and discouraging especially if we have no relationship with our family. Or our circle of friends is very small. There is no ideal number of persons who you turn to. This is based on your personal life. It can also be influenced by our relationship with our family and friends.

How do I know who to include on this team? We are, as a group, very afraid that the people in our lives will not fully understand our struggle and/or offer what we consider unhelpful advice such as “Just eat!” ( I have heard this so many times I wanted to scream at them) . Many of us also have the major concern that we will become a huge burden to them and that at some point they will turn their back on us. In our mind the fear of being criticized by these people can feel real.

Minimize the above concerns by using some criteria when choosing who to trust with your struggle and journey into recovery. These persons should be caring, patient and compassionate. You should be able to trust them with your thoughts, fears and concerns. Having them educate themselves about your particular type of ED goes a long way to your friends and family being able to provide positive support. Allow them to set their own boundaries when it comes to support and try your best to honor them. Let them know what is and is not helpful to you. At the times you are unable to reach out for whatever reason, please turn to your professional support. Remember, very few of us, if any, can do this alone!

In Person or On-Line Support Groups

Support groups may be another way we are able to get the support we need to beat this disease though they may not be for everyone. A quick internet search can give you many ideas for online support groups. Read how each group is set up before making a decision on which one(s) might be right for you. Reach out to your professional team. They may be aware of other support groups you have not found in your search, especially in your area.

NOTE: Any type of group may prove to be triggering; if you find this to be true, stop attending and discuss your anxiety with your professional team.

The online groups provide support in a less personal way. By this I mean there is a degree of separation since the groups on line are not face to face which can make it much easier for those of us who have ‘people’ issues. There are different on-line types of groups. Some online groups are set up by a specific treatment facility and may have more stringent rules about the words used during the meeting so participants are not triggered. These are set up as an ongoing method of support for their alumni only and you may have to request to be part of the group. Check with our treatment facility to,see if they have such a group. These groups will often have a specific topic for discussion during that meeting. Other online groups such as listed below are open to anyone.

NEDA Helpline

Call, text, or chat for support and guidance (https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/).

Recovery Instagram/Facebook Groups

Many positive communities exist for encouragement and shared experiences.

Reddit (r/EatingDisordersRecovery)

A space where individuals share recovery stories and tips

There are other on-line groups that are set up as ‘chat rooms’ where the user can reach out any time day or night and just chat about their struggles, progress, issues or whatever is on their mind hopefully relating to an ED. These type of groups allow other users to give you feed-back, encouragement and hopefully the support you may need at the time. These groups don’t always provide instant responses so please keep that in mind if you decide to explore this avenue. These people don’t know you and your issues and/or triggers, so the responses you may get back may or may not be helpful. Also, from personal experience I have found that these groups can be very triggering. Remember, you are chatting with persons who could be from all over the world, in many different stages of their recovery journey and maybe not be in recovery at all,at this time.

Blogs can be a great sense of on-line support. There are numerous blogs out on the internet which may be helpful and provide tools and tips you were unaware of. Some of these blogs also contain ‘success stories’ from others who hove gone through an ED to help keep you believing/knowing ‘you can do this’. Most helpful blogs will be written in such a way so that you are not triggered when reading them. If you find yourself being triggered, stop reading, breathe, and reach out to someone on your support team before you are tempted to resume the behavior your eating disorder wants you to believe will be helpful.

In person groups such as Over-Eaters Anonymous are also available and free of charge. These groups are NOT just for people who over eat but rather for all persons who suffer from an eating disorder.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I know and believe that those of us who suffer from an ED of any type can beat it. It is hard work and at times feels impossible; but I am sure it is a goal that is obtainable to all of you out there.

KEEP Y0UR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!

Music

Music can be a very powerful tool we can use. I find music says to and for me what my mouth cannot say at the time. Make a playlist of POSITIVE music/songs that you like that are encouraging in your recovery journey. You can play this anytime which is the beautiful thing about music. DO NOT put any negative music on this playlist. The purpose of this technique is to help you to remember that you can do this. In fact, I titled my playlist “I got this”. Some of the songs I have on my playlist are (remember these are only suggestions):

My fight song by Rachel Platten

I am woman (for those of us who are female) by Helen Reddy

I’m still standing by Elton John

Girl on Fire (again for those of us who are female) by Alicia Keys

Who Says by Selena Gomez

This is Me by Kaela Settle

Invincible by Pat Benetar

The Climb by Miley Cyrus

Beautiful by Christine Aguilera

Brave by Sara Bareilles

I will Survive by Gloria Gayner

Rise by Katy Perry

Stronger by Kelly Clarkston

Apps you can use to help with your eating disorders

Eating disorder apps are another way you can help support your recovery yourself. These can be used by you with or without your professional support team. They allow you to record your meals and snacks, record your triggers and help you to spot any patterns. Some apps help you to set personal goals and even to record your successes for the day. The apps if used by you in tandem with your professional support team allow your team to see areas of struggle quickly and allow them to address these issues with you before they may cause a back slide. Here are some notable apps designed to support individuals dealing with eating disorders, along with their prices:

Recovery Record: Eating Disorder Management

This app allows users to log meals, thoughts, and feelings, set custom meal plans, and communicate with their treatment team. It is FREE to use for the patient. If you are a professional this app is free if being used for a single client. For the professional multiple client use of this app does cost; though I do not know what they charge. Your professional support system can see how you are doing in real-time should they choose which allows for you and them to spot areas of concern quickly. The areas in this app are easily customizable to suit your needs.

This app lets users to log meals, record emotions and thoughts before and after meals, log behaviors related to eating disorders and even create structured meal plans aligned with their meal plans just to name a few.

In Recovery Record the user can securely message their clinician, treatment team or can optionally connect with trusted family members. Therapists can review logs and provide direct responses and encouragement.

Recovery Record is available for both iOS and Android platforms.

Note: Recovery Record is HIPAA compliant, ensuring user data privacy and security

Rise Up + Recover

The Rise Up + Recover app offers a comprehensive suite of features designed to support individuals dealing with eating disorders. This app is FREE.

Here’s a breakdown of its components: Meal logging, Emotion Tracking, and Behavior Monitoring. These self-monitoring tools are foundational in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and assist users in gaining insights into their eating behaviors. It is also Passcode Protection which keeps user data confidential and secure.

Note: Rise Up + Recover is a free app available on both iOS and Android platforms.

Brighter Bite – ED Recovery

Combining acceptance and commitment therapy with dialectical behavior therapy techniques, this app offers meal logging, mood tracking, and therapeutic activities to support recovery. It is available for FREE. It is a mobile application designed to support individuals recovering from eating disorders by offering a range of therapeutic tools and tracking features.

Brighter Bite is available on both iOS and Android platforms.

Eating Disorder Recovery

The Eating Disorder Recovery App is designed to support individuals on their journey to recovery by offering a range of clinically focused tools and resources. It serves as a valuable tool for individuals seeking structured and clinically sound support in their recovery journey, facilitating collaboration with healthcare providers and promoting self-awareness. This app provides detailed symptom tracking, progress monitoring, and journaling features. It also has available articles, videos, and tools related to eating disorder recovery and healthy coping mechanisms,as well as lists of helplines and support groups for additional assistance. Like the other apps listed in this blog the app has data protection which ensures user information is securely stored and complies with privacy regulations and an optional passcode feature to protect sensitive entries

Eating Disorder recovery is NOT FREE; it costs $9.99 per month or $39.99 annually, with a 3-day free trial available.

MindShift CBT

While not exclusively for eating disorders, this app uses cognitive behavioral therapy tools to help manage anxiety, stress, and negative thought patterns, which can be beneficial in recovery. It is free to use. This app is a FREE, evidence-based mobile app used to help individuals manage and alleviate anxiety using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) strategies. Some of its key components are the support of Healthy Habits, coping cards which help in reframing anxious thoughts and even a thought journal. This app is CBT based and helps the user to learn, if needed, how to use the tools that CBT techniques provide.

MindShift CBT is available for download on both iOS and Android platforms.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

KEEP Y0UR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!

Using/Developing my Creativity

Building our own toolbox of the tools we have to use in our recovery is a great minder that we have more tools then we can recall at the time we most need them. The desire or way to decorate the toolbox should be a very personal decision. Being willing or able to decorate may come in time as your journey progresses. Some ideas for a physical toolkit may be an actual toolbox or fishing tackle box, a wooden chest or even an actual box. These should be big enough to hold multiple items including papers, notes, affirmations you find are helpful, actual physical representations of a tool, any of the creative items that encourage you to be your best, reminders of tools you have learned from techniques such as DBT, CBT, plans on what you can do when encountering a triggering situation, etc. that you can incorporate into your journey of recovery. The tools in your box ought to be specific for your benefit and be meaningful to you. You might want to place this toolbox where it is visible and is easily accessible when you need it.

If you are into working outside you could start to design a small flower garden. Start small, think about where the garden is going to go, and choose the flowers you may want to put into it. I prefer perennials that come up every year as opposed to flowers that you may have to plant each year. Your garden can be a combination of both types. Your flower garden is your own; make it what you like. Having my flower garden where I can see it when I drive into my own driveway, walk into my house or look out my window makes me smile (even if it is for a short time) every time I see it. My garden has flowers in it that were of the kind of flowers those persons that I deeply cared about liked. This brings those people to mind which again makes me smile. Weeding this garden if and when it may need also promotes mindfulness.

Find a hobby that you have and may have let go because our eating disorder makes us. Our eating disorder works so very hard to encourage us to believe we can’t do anything. THIS IS NOT TRUE. We can do anything we set our mind to. Take it slow, and work at it. Currently my hobby of choice is learning to work with resin. I am learning to make items that I can give as presents. I have thrown away more items that I can count because this is a learning process and I felt that they were not up to par. I have learned that everything I do does not have to be perfect. Again, just acceptable to me.

You could resume reading any type of book you are interested in; sometimes for knowledge and sometimes just for entertainment. If you prefer to use your electronics, download a book. If you are not financially in a position to do this whether it is downloading or buying an actual book, go to your local library. Library cards are free.

Other hobbies that can be things such as teaching yourself to knit, sew, bake, scrap booking, camping, swimming or hiking (if your professional support team okays this since some of us have issues with exercise). Other hobbies may be things such as anything where we work with our hands.

Resuming a long neglected hobby or starting a new hobby we are interested in promotes mindfulness since we have to give our hobby 100% of our attention. It also helps to help us see that we CAN DO IT! So find a hobby you might want to take up and go for it.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!

How can I support my own recovery?

I have created separate blogs for some of the ways we can help and support ourselves, such as journaling, music, mediation, setting goals, affirmations and creativity. I have listed a few other suggestions here that don’t require the length of a separate blog.

Workbooks may be helpful for you. Workbooks offer tips and tools that you may not be aware of and instructions on when and how to use them. There are also another way to explore your ED and the thoughts that accompany it. I would suggest that if you have a professional support team, you work with them on which workbook would be best for you in your recovery journey. Some professionals encourage you to use them and others do not. Your professional support team will help you to make this decision.

For some of us, using a daily checklist listing all of the tools we have learned is a great tool. For me, this keeps me accountable not only to myself but to my professional support team as they get a weekly copy of it. This list may be developed with the help of your professional support team or by you. If your professional support team is okay with a checklist this can be brought to your next appointment or sent ahead of time so they can see how your week went. Some possible ideas for a checklist are areas of eating (1 – 5 rating), the multiple tools I have to help deal with uncomfortable emotions/feelings/thoughts possible listing them by name, triggers specific to me (1 – r rating) or self care levels and possibly what you actually did in regards to this area.

Learn as much as you are able about your ED especially your type of ED. For those of us with a curious mind, knowledge goes a long way to understanding and believing that having an ED is NOT something we chose but rather a coping mechanism which has become a very negative issue and is impeding the life style we (and our loved ones) want for us.

Identify who to contact (therapist, friend, hotline) when experiencing strong urges or relapse thoughts. Creating a list of those people. Remember, a plan only works if you follow through with it. At times, this may be totally contrary to what you want to do, but it may be exactly what you need to do. Put aside your fears, take a deep breath and reach out.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

KEEP Y0UR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!

Professional Support Team

In my opinion (which comes from personal experience) the best professional support will come from persons who have training in eating disorders and understands the issues and challenges that come from the ED – the most important of all.

When searching for a Therapist/Counselor/Psychologist/Psychiatrist look for a specialist in eating disorders. Having knowledge of CBT, DBT, or other evidence-based therapies can be extremely beneficial to you in this journey. Psychiatrists are the only professional who can prescribe medication if they believe there is a medical reason for it. The people you choose should be willing to work with any of the other professionals on your team if they feel there is a need to do so. A true professional will not do this behind your back, but rather discuss their reasoning for such an action with you. Remember, anyone in the support team must have written permission from you to do so. Whether you grant that type of permission is totally up to you. I would highly recommend you do so so that you can receive the complete help you may need. These persons usually know what we need better than we ourselves do.

A nutritionist with experience in eating disorders can help with meal planning and rebuilding a healthy relationship with food. They will be there to help you find tools to deal with your issues and relationship with food. They will guide you with tips, ideas and a meal plan that you NEED, though not necessarily what you want.

Your medical doctor will be able to schedule and provide regular check-ups ensure physical health that needs to be monitored during recovery. In the beginning of your recovery this may be weekly, however as your body becomes nutritionally healthy this may decrease. If your weight is too low you may have to go through a process known as refeeding. Trying to do refeeding by yourself can be EXTREMELY DANGEROUS, which is another reason, if at all possible, that you choose a medical doctor who is familiar with and educated in eating disorders. Your doctor should also run regular blood work to ensure your system is not experiencing issues due to the process of refeeding. They should be willing to listen to your medical concerns and help to alleviate them with reliable information.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!

Naming our ED – Is Naming Right for You?

Naming an eating disorder—whether giving it a personal name or labeling it more generally—can be a personal and therapeutic choice. So is naming your ED right for you? Some find it empowering and clarifying, while others feel it doesn’t resonate. It’s worth discussing with your therapist to explore whether this approach could be beneficial. There are potential advantages and disadvantages.

By naming our ED it can create emotional distance and increase self-awareness. Naming the disorder can help separate it from your identity. It becomes something you have, not who you are, making it easier to challenge harmful thoughts. Naming the disorder acknowledges its presence and impact, making it feel real and worthy of attention and effort to overcome. Giving it a name can help identify when the disorder is influencing thoughts or behaviors, encouraging mindfulness and control. Naming it can also empower recovery by when the disorder feels like an external entity, it can feel more manageable to confront and challenge it—like battling an “enemy” rather than oneself. One of the best advantages comes from discussing struggles with therapists or loved ones easier. Saying, “That’s just [name] talking” can simplify conversations and reduce shame.

There are disadvantages to naming an eating disorder. By giving our ED a name there is a risk of personalization of the disease – Naming can sometimes lead to over-identifying with the disorder, almost giving it too much power or presence in one’s life. It may also allow us to avoid responsibility – Some may feel that by externalizing the disorder, they’re not accountable for their behaviors, which can hinder progress in recovery. Naming can help us to feel dismissive- For some, naming it may feel like minimizing its seriousness, making it seem like a “character” rather than a complex mental health issue. Dependency on the Concept: If recovery is tied too closely to the idea of fighting a named entity, it could complicate progress when the metaphor no longer feels helpful.

At the beginning of my journey towards recovery I refused to name my ED mostly because I did not want to even acknowledge that it exists within myself. As time went on I decided to name it based on my thought process that if I named it, I could shed it like I would a person who was not at all a positive influence in my life. In fact, I chose a name of the person I felt had helped begin my eating disorder. One of things that I was required to do during my stay at an inpatient treatment facility is writing a letter to my ED. I thought naming it and writing it a letter would help in this process too. It could get it ‘out of my system once and for all’.

After about a year into my recovery I began to realize that FOR ME naming it the name I assigned to it was actually keeping this person front and foremost in the front of my mind. This person was living in my brain ‘rent free’. Once I realized this I decided to just call it ‘MY ED’. After another 6 months went on I realized that by calling it ‘MY ED’, I was claiming it as my own, looking at it is a treasured possession. Since in my mind, I no longer wanted to have it as a possession, I made the decision to just call it ‘THE ED’. This allowed me see have the belief that I don’t have to make it mine. I have chosen to discard it like I would a possession I no longer need. I longer need to have this disease in my life. It serves me no purpose except to make me miserable and to encourage me in the most of unhealthy ways.

Naming the ED you have is a very personal decision and like me your decision can change over time. You will need to do what is best for you. Work with your support team if you are questioning the decision you are making in this area. It will be well worth it.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!

Why Do I Need a Support System?

Having a support system is one of the most important things that will make recovery that much easier. Speaking from personal experience attempting to recover from any ED (which for me was Anorexia) while not incorporating a support system is akin to being in the middle of an ocean in a rowboat without paddles. Having a support system helps those of us in recovery is many ways. We all need to have someone in our corner that can help to encourage us that we can do beat this disease during difficult times and to be there for us when we are struggling by helping to create and/or providing a safe environment. They are able to remind us of the progress we have made. But the best support they can offer is just being there, listening to our fears and feelings when battling (and yes we are in a battle for our very lives) this pervasive disease.

If you are new to recovery you may be unsure of who you should include on your support team. This varies from person to person. Most of us would greatly benefit from both a professional team and the support that comes from our friends and family. Each type of support we include should be understanding, calm, accepting of where we are in our journey, yet at that same time gently insistent that we keep taking baby steps towards our recovery.

Your professional help team might include a therapist, a dietician and a medical doctor. The therapist could be a regular therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist. I cannot stress enough, from personal experience, that your professional support, if at all possible, should have experience in treating eating disorders. I do know how difficult finding such persons can be daunting and at times seem impossible. But I assure you your efforts will be well worth it.

Friends and family can be a huge sense of support. But only if they are loving and encouraging. These people can serve as a huge sense of comfort to us. Remember our friends and family can be there during the times that our professional support is not available. If those you choose for this type of support can learn something about our particular type of ED, so much the better. However, this should not be a criteria you use so select who you want on this team.

I have written other blogs that chat in detail each type of support you might want to consider adding to your team.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

KEEP Y0UR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!

My Personal Journey

I am a 67 year old woman. My journey begins by the time I was 10 years old. For various reasons that I will not go into in this blog entry, I began to restrict my food, unbeknownst to my parents. I began by skipping breakfast and lunch Monday through Friday.

When I got to high school I knew I had an eating problem after reading the book that was written by Cheeri Boone where she talked in depth about her struggle with anorexia. But that didn’t deter me in my quest to deal with the immense emotional pain I felt.

When I left home at the age of 18, the anorexia continued and caused drastic weight loss at times. But somehow I managed to hide it from others. I understand that back in the 70’s, eating disorders were not as widely recognized,and understood as they are now. Throughout my adult life, I managed to raise 2 children mostly as a single parent and to even get 2 college degrees. This lifestyle allowed me to not have to address, much less even to think about my eating or lack thereof.

There were times that my eating disorder became totally out of control yet still those who at that point in time did recognize that I was too thin did not really brooch the subject. Yes, there was a time that my boyfriend (who later became my husband) even tried bribery with a complete new wardrobe if only I would gain weight. This didn’t work since the 1 requirement was I get rid of all of my ‘very skinny’ clothes, which I was unable or unwilling to do.

I managed to avoid the subject in my own thoughts by staying busier and not eating enough to keep me truly healthy. As time went on I went on to have 2 different careers both of which I loved, but the eating disorder never left me. Even having 3 granddaughters, who I adore beyond belief, did not stop the run away train I was on. The eating disorder was in total control of me, my thinking and my life.

After I retired from my last job my restrictions became greater, all with the justification of I am getting older and need to be eating healthier, as I cut out more and more types of food from my food intake. My rules for what I would do became more and more rigid; in order to prove to myself that there was nothing wrong with me and that I had not suffer from an eating disorder. All of which, of course, I thought were working. I didn’t realize at the time that I could not think mentally healthy even if I would have wanted to. The malnutrition my body was experiencing had stopped all mental health growth. I was beyond stopping the disease (and yes, it IS a disease).

4 years ago at the urging of a counselor, who had NO experience in eating disorders, I entered a Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP) after I violated one of my “cardinal rules”. This PHP was set up to only milk the insurance system for every dime they could get. Obviously this particular system was not for me and did not to help me. When I tried to point out the areas that I needed help and began to challenge their methods in order to get the real help I needed, I was discharged far below even the minimum weight for my body type and height. However they did set me up with another therapist within their system, who once again had NO experience treating eating disorders.

For 2 years, as I continued to see this therapist, my weight steadily decreased until I had lost almost 1/3 of my already too thin frame. At some point, I began to believe there was no help for me. I had spent those 2 years trying to find other help and became more and more frustrated over the lack of help for me. I came to believe that I was going to die and there was nothing I could do. I had totally given up. My counselor couldn’t and wasn’t able to help me, mostly due to lack of knowledge. I was far past the point of being able to be honest with her or even myself. I knew what I looked like and hated it. I looked like an Auschwitz survivor. I could see exactly what I looked like yet was unable to stop the down hill slide.

One day my daughter was over and caught me getting dressed. She was abhorred at what I looked like. My daughter is beyond persistent when it comes to handling an issue. She spent more hours than I can count trying to find other available help for her mom. It became apparent that if I wanted the help I needed I would have to pay out of pocket. I didn’t want to do this, but I know now it was the ED controlling my thoughts. The insistence of my daughter pushed me into making this, what I considered at the time, decision I did not want. And I entered a residential treatment facility.

Once there, I was an angry woman, and only lasted 2 weeks before my mind found what it considered legitimate reasons to leave which I did with many, many loud angry words towards the help. When I got home, I began to do some in-depth research so I could get better by myself. I found out that I could not do it. Not only that, but I discovered because of my weight, it was now very medically dangerous to do it by myself. The treatment center I had left in my fit of anger reached out and gave me the chance to come back; no strings attached other than my original agreement for payment.

Long story short, I went back, much more humbled and thoroughly ashamed of my earlier behavior with a new realization that I could NOT do this on my own. While there I will admit that I still hated some of the stuff I had to do as part of the program and had thought were silly and stupid. Unbeknownst to me, my mind did hear and absorbed what I was taught and heard. After 2 1/2 months I was discharged with the weight gain I needed and a realistic meal plan to follow to continue in my journey towards getting even healthy and more mentally stable. I also had a dietician lined up who had experience in EDs in addition to the same therapist I had before I went into the residential treatment center.

I came home with a new sense of “I can do this”, until I hit a weight gain that I could not handle mentally. Since my therapist still had no experience with eating disorders she was not very helpful. So I began to do some more research looking for a mental health professional who actually had experience in this area. I will say this was also very, very frustrating, but my search finally paid off.

I began to lose weight again though not to the degree I had before. With the help of my new psychologist and my dietician I was able to finally be diagnosed with the correct diagnosis for an underlying mental health condition I had. Initially, I still did not do well. I even reached out to the treatment facility I had been in. Again, unless I could pay put of pocket, there was no help for me. This I could not do since I was still paying off the initial treatment.

It took a while and a whole lot of anger towards ‘the system’ but I finally was able to realize and believe I had the tools I needed to overcome my anorexia and it was up to me; but now I had two professionals who knew and understood the Eating Disorder that had invaded my mind. I also learned or should I say realized that what I had learned at the inpatient facility that I had thought were silly and stupid were for and had good reasons and they gave me more tools in my tool box. I came to truly know, or as my daughter says, know with a capital K, that I could do this.

I will not say it has been easy; in fact quite the opposite; this has been one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. Changing 50+ years of distorted thinking and beliefs is so very difficult. At times I want to give up, but those times are getting further and further apart with the help of the professional support team I have. I have now reached a healthy weight and continue to maintain it. I continue to use all the tools I have learned and to discuss any changes I want to make that may impact my recover with my professional support team. I value their opinions and listen.

I have learned that I will have ‘off’ days but to soldier through them. I have learned that ‘No nutrition is not an option’. On those days I recognize that it is the ED talking and trying to get back in control. I also take steps to reach out to my support team as well as to sit with the uneasy emotions. This is not always easy or even what I want to but I do it. I have learned to not ‘beat myself up’ when I have off days, but rather to ‘get back on the horse’ so to speak as quickly as possible.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you.