This is a blog that strives to give those of us who suffer from eating disorders various tools and tips to help us in our recovery journey. NOTE: Everything posted on this blog are MY thoughts and experiences, and should not replace professional advice. You should consult professionals who are experienced in the treatment of eating disorders.
I have created separate blogs for some of the ways we can help and support ourselves, such as journaling, music, mediation, setting goals, affirmations and creativity. I have listed a few other suggestions here that don’t require the length of a separate blog.
Workbooks may be helpful for you. Workbooks offer tips and tools that you may not be aware of and instructions on when and how to use them. There are also another way to explore your ED and the thoughts that accompany it. I would suggest that if you have a professional support team, you work with them on which workbook would be best for you in your recovery journey. Some professionals encourage you to use them and others do not. Your professional support team will help you to make this decision.
For some of us, using a daily checklist listing all of the tools we have learned is a great tool. For me, this keeps me accountable not only to myself but to my professional support team as they get a weekly copy of it. This list may be developed with the help of your professional support team or by you. If your professional support team is okay with a checklist this can be brought to your next appointment or sent ahead of time so they can see how your week went. Some possible ideas for a checklist are areas of eating (1 – 5 rating), the multiple tools I have to help deal with uncomfortable emotions/feelings/thoughts possible listing them by name, triggers specific to me (1 – r rating) or self care levels and possibly what you actually did in regards to this area.
Learn as much as you are able about your ED especially your type of ED. For those of us with a curious mind, knowledge goes a long way to understanding and believing that having an ED is NOT something we chose but rather a coping mechanism which has become a very negative issue and is impeding the life style we (and our loved ones) want for us.
Identify who to contact (therapist, friend, hotline) when experiencing strong urges or relapse thoughts. Creating a list of those people. Remember, a plan only works if you follow through with it. At times, this may be totally contrary to what you want to do, but it may be exactly what you need to do. Put aside your fears, take a deep breath and reach out.
FINAL THOUGHTS:
I know and believe that those of us who suffer from an ED of any type can beat it. It is hard work and at times feels impossible; but I am sure it is a goal that is obtainable to all of you out there.
KEEP Y0UR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!
In my opinion (which comes from personal experience) the best professional support will come from persons who have training in eating disorders and understands the issues and challenges that come from the ED – the most important of all.
When searching for a Therapist/Counselor/Psychologist/Psychiatrist look for a specialist in eating disorders. Having knowledge of CBT, DBT, or other evidence-based therapies can be extremely beneficial to you in this journey. Psychiatrists are the only professional who can prescribe medication if they believe there is a medical reason for it. The people you choose should be willing to work with any of the other professionals on your team if they feel there is a need to do so. A true professional will not do this behind your back, but rather discuss their reasoning for such an action with you. Remember, anyone in the support team must have written permission from you to do so. Whether you grant that type of permission is totally up to you. I would highly recommend you do so so that you can receive the complete help you may need. These persons usually know what we need better than we ourselves do.
A nutritionist with experience in eating disorders can help with meal planning and rebuilding a healthy relationship with food. They will be there to help you find tools to deal with your issues and relationship with food. They will guide you with tips, ideas and a meal plan that you NEED, though not necessarily what you want.
Your medical doctor will be able to schedule and provide regular check-ups ensure physical health that needs to be monitored during recovery. In the beginning of your recovery this may be weekly, however as your body becomes nutritionally healthy this may decrease. If your weight is too low you may have to go through a process known as refeeding. Trying to do refeeding by yourself can be EXTREMELY DANGEROUS, which is another reason, if at all possible, that you choose a medical doctor who is familiar with and educated in eating disorders. Your doctor should also run regular blood work to ensure your system is not experiencing issues due to the process of refeeding. They should be willing to listen to your medical concerns and help to alleviate them with reliable information.
FINAL THOUGHTS:
I know and believe that those of us who suffer from an ED of any type can beat it. It is hard work and at times feels impossible; but I am sure it is a goal that is obtainable to all of you out there.
KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!
Naming an eating disorder—whether giving it a personal name or labeling it more generally—can be a personal and therapeutic choice. So is naming your ED right for you? Some find it empowering and clarifying, while others feel it doesn’t resonate. It’s worth discussing with your therapist to explore whether this approach could be beneficial. There are potential advantages and disadvantages.
By naming our ED it can create emotional distance and increase self-awareness. Naming the disorder can help separate it from your identity. It becomes something you have, not who you are, making it easier to challenge harmful thoughts. Naming the disorder acknowledges its presence and impact, making it feel real and worthy of attention and effort to overcome. Giving it a name can help identify when the disorder is influencing thoughts or behaviors, encouraging mindfulness and control. Naming it can also empower recovery by when the disorder feels like an external entity, it can feel more manageable to confront and challenge it—like battling an “enemy” rather than oneself. One of the best advantages comes from discussing struggles with therapists or loved ones easier. Saying, “That’s just [name] talking” can simplify conversations and reduce shame.
There are disadvantages to naming an eating disorder. By giving our ED a name there is a risk of personalization of the disease – Naming can sometimes lead to over-identifying with the disorder, almost giving it too much power or presence in one’s life. It may also allow us to avoid responsibility – Some may feel that by externalizing the disorder, they’re not accountable for their behaviors, which can hinder progress in recovery. Naming can help us to feel dismissive- For some, naming it may feel like minimizing its seriousness, making it seem like a “character” rather than a complex mental health issue. Dependency on the Concept: If recovery is tied too closely to the idea of fighting a named entity, it could complicate progress when the metaphor no longer feels helpful.
At the beginning of my journey towards recovery I refused to name my ED mostly because I did not want to even acknowledge that it exists within myself. As time went on I decided to name it based on my thought process that if I named it, I could shed it like I would a person who was not at all a positive influence in my life. In fact, I chose a name of the person I felt had helped begin my eating disorder. One of things that I was required to do during my stay at an inpatient treatment facility is writing a letter to my ED. I thought naming it and writing it a letter would help in this process too. It could get it ‘out of my system once and for all’.
After about a year into my recovery I began to realize that FOR ME naming it the name I assigned to it was actually keeping this person front and foremost in the front of my mind. This person was living in my brain ‘rent free’. Once I realized this I decided to just call it ‘MY ED’. After another 6 months went on I realized that by calling it ‘MY ED’, I was claiming it as my own, looking at it is a treasured possession. Since in my mind, I no longer wanted to have it as a possession, I made the decision to just call it ‘THE ED’. This allowed me see have the belief that I don’t have to make it mine. I have chosen to discard it like I would a possession I no longer need. I longer need to have this disease in my life. It serves me no purpose except to make me miserable and to encourage me in the most of unhealthy ways.
Naming the ED you have is a very personal decision and like me your decision can change over time. You will need to do what is best for you. Work with your support team if you are questioning the decision you are making in this area. It will be well worth it.
FINAL THOUGHTS:
I know and believe that those of us who suffer from an ED of any type can beat it. It is hard work and at times feels impossible; but I am sure it is a goal that is obtainable to all of you out there.
KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!
Having a support system is one of the most important things that will make recovery that much easier. Speaking from personal experience attempting to recover from any ED (which for me was Anorexia) while not incorporating a support system is akin to being in the middle of an ocean in a rowboat without paddles. Having a support system helps those of us in recovery is many ways. We all need to have someone in our corner that can help to encourage us that we can do beat this disease during difficult times and to be there for us when we are struggling by helping to create and/or providing a safe environment. They are able to remind us of the progress we have made. But the best support they can offer is just being there, listening to our fears and feelings when battling (and yes we are in a battle for our very lives) this pervasive disease.
If you are new to recovery you may be unsure of who you should include on your support team. This varies from person to person. Most of us would greatly benefit from both a professional team and the support that comes from our friends and family. Each type of support we include should be understanding, calm, accepting of where we are in our journey, yet at that same time gently insistent that we keep taking baby steps towards our recovery.
Your professional help team might include a therapist, a dietician and a medical doctor. The therapist could be a regular therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist. I cannot stress enough, from personal experience, that your professional support, if at all possible, should have experience in treating eating disorders. I do know how difficult finding such persons can be daunting and at times seem impossible. But I assure you your efforts will be well worth it.
Friends and family can be a huge sense of support. But only if they are loving and encouraging. These people can serve as a huge sense of comfort to us. Remember our friends and family can be there during the times that our professional support is not available. If those you choose for this type of support can learn something about our particular type of ED, so much the better. However, this should not be a criteria you use so select who you want on this team.
I have written other blogs that chat in detail each type of support you might want to consider adding to your team.
FINAL THOUGHTS:
I know and believe that those of us who suffer from an ED of any type can beat it. It is hard work and at times feels impossible; but I am sure it is a goal that is obtainable to all of you out there.
KEEP Y0UR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!
I am a 67 year old woman. My journey begins by the time I was 10 years old. For various reasons that I will not go into in this blog entry, I began to restrict my food, unbeknownst to my parents. I began by skipping breakfast and lunch Monday through Friday.
When I got to high school I knew I had an eating problem after reading the book that was written by Cheeri Boone where she talked in depth about her struggle with anorexia. But that didn’t deter me in my quest to deal with the immense emotional pain I felt.
When I left home at the age of 18, the anorexia continued and caused drastic weight loss at times. But somehow I managed to hide it from others. I understand that back in the 70’s, eating disorders were not as widely recognized,and understood as they are now. Throughout my adult life, I managed to raise 2 children mostly as a single parent and to even get 2 college degrees. This lifestyle allowed me to not have to address, much less even to think about my eating or lack thereof.
There were times that my eating disorder became totally out of control yet still those who at that point in time did recognize that I was too thin did not really brooch the subject. Yes, there was a time that my boyfriend (who later became my husband) even tried bribery with a complete new wardrobe if only I would gain weight. This didn’t work since the 1 requirement was I get rid of all of my ‘very skinny’ clothes, which I was unable or unwilling to do.
I managed to avoid the subject in my own thoughts by staying busier and not eating enough to keep me truly healthy. As time went on I went on to have 2 different careers both of which I loved, but the eating disorder never left me. Even having 3 granddaughters, who I adore beyond belief, did not stop the run away train I was on. The eating disorder was in total control of me, my thinking and my life.
After I retired from my last job my restrictions became greater, all with the justification of I am getting older and need to be eating healthier, as I cut out more and more types of food from my food intake. My rules for what I would do became more and more rigid; in order to prove to myself that there was nothing wrong with me and that I had not suffer from an eating disorder. All of which, of course, I thought were working. I didn’t realize at the time that I could not think mentally healthy even if I would have wanted to. The malnutrition my body was experiencing had stopped all mental health growth. I was beyond stopping the disease (and yes, it IS a disease).
4 years ago at the urging of a counselor, who had NO experience in eating disorders, I entered a Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP) after I violated one of my “cardinal rules”. This PHP was set up to only milk the insurance system for every dime they could get. Obviously this particular system was not for me and did not to help me. When I tried to point out the areas that I needed help and began to challenge their methods in order to get the real help I needed, I was discharged far below even the minimum weight for my body type and height. However they did set me up with another therapist within their system, who once again had NO experience treating eating disorders.
For 2 years, as I continued to see this therapist, my weight steadily decreased until I had lost almost 1/3 of my already too thin frame. At some point, I began to believe there was no help for me. I had spent those 2 years trying to find other help and became more and more frustrated over the lack of help for me. I came to believe that I was going to die and there was nothing I could do. I had totally given up. My counselor couldn’t and wasn’t able to help me, mostly due to lack of knowledge. I was far past the point of being able to be honest with her or even myself. I knew what I looked like and hated it. I looked like an Auschwitz survivor. I could see exactly what I looked like yet was unable to stop the down hill slide.
One day my daughter was over and caught me getting dressed. She was abhorred at what I looked like. My daughter is beyond persistent when it comes to handling an issue. She spent more hours than I can count trying to find other available help for her mom. It became apparent that if I wanted the help I needed I would have to pay out of pocket. I didn’t want to do this, but I know now it was the ED controlling my thoughts. The insistence of my daughter pushed me into making this, what I considered at the time, decision I did not want. And I entered a residential treatment facility.
Once there, I was an angry woman, and only lasted 2 weeks before my mind found what it considered legitimate reasons to leave which I did with many, many loud angry words towards the help. When I got home, I began to do some in-depth research so I could get better by myself. I found out that I could not do it. Not only that, but I discovered because of my weight, it was now very medically dangerous to do it by myself. The treatment center I had left in my fit of anger reached out and gave me the chance to come back; no strings attached other than my original agreement for payment.
Long story short, I went back, much more humbled and thoroughly ashamed of my earlier behavior with a new realization that I could NOT do this on my own. While there I will admit that I still hated some of the stuff I had to do as part of the program and had thought were silly and stupid. Unbeknownst to me, my mind did hear and absorbed what I was taught and heard. After 2 1/2 months I was discharged with the weight gain I needed and a realistic meal plan to follow to continue in my journey towards getting even healthy and more mentally stable. I also had a dietician lined up who had experience in EDs in addition to the same therapist I had before I went into the residential treatment center.
I came home with a new sense of “I can do this”, until I hit a weight gain that I could not handle mentally. Since my therapist still had no experience with eating disorders she was not very helpful. So I began to do some more research looking for a mental health professional who actually had experience in this area. I will say this was also very, very frustrating, but my search finally paid off.
I began to lose weight again though not to the degree I had before. With the help of my new psychologist and my dietician I was able to finally be diagnosed with the correct diagnosis for an underlying mental health condition I had. Initially, I still did not do well. I even reached out to the treatment facility I had been in. Again, unless I could pay put of pocket, there was no help for me. This I could not do since I was still paying off the initial treatment.
It took a while and a whole lot of anger towards ‘the system’ but I finally was able to realize and believe I had the tools I needed to overcome my anorexia and it was up to me; but now I had two professionals who knew and understood the Eating Disorder that had invaded my mind. I also learned or should I say realized that what I had learned at the inpatient facility that I had thought were silly and stupid were for and had good reasons and they gave me more tools in my tool box. I came to truly know, or as my daughter says, know with a capital K, that I could do this.
I will not say it has been easy; in fact quite the opposite; this has been one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. Changing 50+ years of distorted thinking and beliefs is so very difficult. At times I want to give up, but those times are getting further and further apart with the help of the professional support team I have. I have now reached a healthy weight and continue to maintain it. I continue to use all the tools I have learned and to discuss any changes I want to make that may impact my recover with my professional support team. I value their opinions and listen.
I have learned that I will have ‘off’ days but to soldier through them. I have learned that ‘No nutrition is not an option’. On those days I recognize that it is the ED talking and trying to get back in control. I also take steps to reach out to my support team as well as to sit with the uneasy emotions. This is not always easy or even what I want to but I do it. I have learned to not ‘beat myself up’ when I have off days, but rather to ‘get back on the horse’ so to speak as quickly as possible.
FINAL THOUGHTS:
I know and believe that those of us who suffer from an ED of any type can beat it. It is hard work and at times feels impossible; but I am sure it is a goal that is obtainable to all of you out there.
KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you.
Wings of Recovery 