As persons with ED, a lot of us realize that we feel as though we have no purpose in our lives…nothing we can see that defines us as unique individuals except our ED. We feel lost and adrift in the huge sea of humanity. We have little if any self-confidence and no idea where to turn or who to turn to. All of our emotions feel overwhelming and out of control. So is it any surprise we feel like we have no sense of purpose. Who am I? What good am I? How can anyone care about me?
Finding a sense of purpose, however small can actually begin to answer these questions. But how do I do that, you are probably asking? Where do I start? After all, you probably feel so little and inconsequential and can’t see what you have to contribute to anyone.
Finding something to enable you to feel like you have a purpose will increase your sense of self-worth. An increased sense of self-worth helps us to be able to see more clearly that you can and do have a purpose. Everyone, including you, has a purpose and something to contribute . We can contribute without ever knowing we are. Smiling at a cashier or a simple thank you at the market can contribute to making them feel good. It definitely is a small thing, one we generally don’t think about, but it is true. Sometimes a smile or a ‘have a nice day’ can work wonders because we don’t ever know what their day has been like. Without ever knowing you have contributed something to someone, you have.
No one is saying your purpose has to be as huge as saving the world or creating world peace. Again, I say, start small; take baby steps. By setting a purpose for each day, not matter how small, the bigger purpose you want will come. Just getting up every morning with the idea of today is a new day is actually a purpose. You got up for whatever reason and that was on purpose. Your purpose for that moment was to get up and maybe make or straighten your bed up. As your recovery lengthens and strengthens you may come up with other things that you find give you a sense of purpose. Remember a sense of purpose is simply why you are here at this moment.
For far too long, I questioned what is my purpose in this life. I was at a loss to be able to tell anyone the answer to that question. After all, I felt as though I had nothing to contribute that was worth anything. I was adrift in my own head with the anorexia running through my head like an out of control freight train. I could see nothing good about myself. I tuned out anything good because I didn’t feel I deserved to feel good and was sure no one wanted to hear anything I might think or have to say. I sat and made vision boards expressing every bit of anger, confusion and self-loathing I felt. Along the way, on the few and far between days when I actually had a glimmer of hope, I was able to make some vision boards that expressed my hope for recovery. I brought some of the positive boards with me when I went into inpatient treatment. I shared them with my therapist who encouraged me to share them with the other clients. The reaction was very positive, so my sense of purpose began to grow as I realized I could encourage women who suffered from eating disorders, some of their disorders which were different from mine. But the thoughts, fears, emotions are the same no matter what variation of this disease you may have.
When I got home after 2 1/2 months my sense of purpose was to allow my creativity in this area to flourish. As my collection of boards grew, my creativity grew. So did my sense of purpose. I began to put together a book on DBT for Teens. Those who I have shared it with encouraged me to keep going. From that encouragement came the idea to start a blog. I gave it thought for over a year wondering if anyone truly could benefit from anything I had to say. I finally decided to take the plunge and do it. When I began to write these blogs to share with you I realized that for now this is my purpose. I will never know if anything I say in the blogs I write will help someone, though I hope it does. For now that is my purpose. Next year I may have a totally different purpose, who knows? But for now I feel a real sense of purpose.
Finding your sense of purpose takes time. Only you can decide what to do and where to begin on this quest which I believe helps a great deal towards beating this disease we suffer from. Step by step you can find it. Start small and don’t let anything or anyone get in your way. You DO have a purpose . For those of you reading this blog that have small kids and/or a partner you love, your purpose for now may simply be to get better. Your sense of purpose can and probably will change over time as you become physically and mentally healthier. That is okay. And in my opinion, that is the way it is supposed to be. None of us is the same today as we were last year. We change! And with those changes can come a new purpose in our lives. No need to let this overwhelm you, start small in seeking a purpose for your life. The growth you go through will enable your sense of purpose to grow along with you. Embrace finding a sense of purpose rather than being afraid of it. Remember, there is no right or wrong when it comes to finding a positive sense of purpose.
FINAL THOUGHTS:
I know and believe that those of us who suffer from an ED of any type can beat it. It is hard work and at times feels impossible; but I am sure it is a goal that is obtainable to all of you out there.
KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!
Wings of Recovery 