All of us who suffer from low or non-existent self-esteem tend to wonder and feel like “what’s wrong with me?” are constantly in search for an answer to this age long question. This question can run our minds around in circles. We have all been there. To me this is an ever present question that I desperately sought and still seek an answer to. By believing there is something inherently wrong with us we tend to gravitate towards emotions and thoughts of “I am unworthy of … “; “I don’t deserve …”; or even “I can’t do … because…”, fill in the blank with your own thoughts. We are never able to truly relax and enjoy the life we have at that moment.
Radical acceptance is about fully accepting reality as it is, even when it’s painful or difficult. It means acknowledging the facts of a situation without trying to deny, fight, or change them. This doesn’t mean you approve of the situation or agree with it, it just means you recognize that it’s real. By accepting reality, you can reduce emotional suffering and focus your energy on what you can control, rather than being stuck in frustration or anger over things you can’t change. It’s a concept often used in mindfulness and therapy to help people cope with tough emotions and experiences.
Philosopher and psychologist William James once said, “the first step in overcoming any misfortune is to allow it to be”.
The saying of “It is what it is” is a form of radical acceptance. The situation is just that; and is neither good or bad. ‘“It is what it is” has no judgement attached to it, just the facts of the situation; which is exactly what Radical Acceptance is.
ACCEPTANCE IS NOT:
saying what happened is okay
giving up or giving in.
ACCEPTANCE IS:
acknowledging reality so you can marshal your psychological and emotional resources to move forward.
Learning to accept reality, and then using your skills to be as effective as possible, is the path forward and the way to end suffering.
Practicing radical acceptance involves a few key steps to help you acknowledge reality and reduce emotional suffering. To practice the Radical Acceptance tools you need to notice what you’re resisting. Pay attention to situations where you’re feeling anger, frustration, or denial. Ask yourself, “What am I struggling to accept right now?”. Next comes the acknowledge reality step; clearly recognize the facts of the situation, even if they’re painful. Remind yourself, “This is the way things are, whether I like it or not.” You also need to practice recognizing what you can and can’t control, which is to understand that while you can control your response, you can’t always control circumstances or other people. Another step involves allowing yourself to feel by letting yourself experience the emotions that come with acceptance—whether it’s sadness, disappointment, or grief—without judgment. Lastly we need to challenge unhelpful thoughts. You might want to consider noticing thoughts like “This shouldn’t be happening!” and gently shift them to “It is happening, and I can handle it.”
Some of the tools we can use to help us to practice this technique are mindfulness. Focus your thoughts on staying present. Avoid dwelling on how things could or should be. Ground yourself by paying attention to your breath or surroundings. Practice self-compassion; be kind to yourself. Acceptance can be hard, and it’s okay to struggle with it.
Radical acceptance isn’t a one-time thing. You may need to remind yourself to accept reality over and over, especially in challenging situations. It’s a skill that takes time to develop, but with practice, it can lead to less emotional suffering and greater inner peace.
Spend the next few minutes contemplating the role of acceptance in your life. What are some things you are having a difficult time accepting? Is this something I can control? What skills do you have and can use to accept those things?
FINAL THOUGHTS:
I know and believe that those of us who suffer from an ED of any type can beat it. It is hard work and at times feels impossible; but I am sure it is a goal that is obtainable to all of you out there.
KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!
Wings of Recovery 