I USE THE WORD THERAPIST – BUT THIS COULD MEAN THERAPIST, PSYCHOLOGIST, PSYCHIATRIST, DIETITIAN OR ANY MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL THAT IS PART OF MENTAL RECOVERY OF YOUR SUPPORT TEAM.
There finally comes a time in our recovery journey where it is time to begin to phase out our therapist. OH NO; NOW WHAT? If you are like me, even the thought of do this sending almost instant panic and fear into my body and mind.
This reaction is actually very common and very human. When your therapist has been with you through vulnerable, difficult, and transformative parts of your life, the relationship becomes meaningful. Letting go, even because you’re doing better, can still stir feelings of abandonment, grief, or uncertainty. This doesn’t mean you’re regressing. It generally means that the relationship mattered to you. Here are some important ways to navigate this transition:
1. Recognize that this is a form of grief; not all grief is a negative thing.
Even positive endings can bring grief. Your nervous system learned: “This person helps me stay okay.” Letting go can feel like losing your stabilizing anchor, even if you’re stronger now. This is absolutely not weakness—it’s attachment, which is a necessary part of healing. Your therapist has meant:
• Safety
• Witnessing
• Consistency
• Support during fragile moments
2. Reframe the ending as a graduation, not abandonment
Abandonment is when someone leaves without regard for your wellbeing. You’re not losing what they gave you. You carry it, all the positive and productive tools and everything you have learned inside of you now.
This situation is different. This is:
• A transition
• Evidence of growth
• A sign you’ve internalized what you needed
Many people find comfort in this idea: the therapist’s words have become a voice inside your mind, an “internal voice”, so to speak, that you can still access and recall when needed. You may notice yourself thinking “What would they say right now?” That’s a sign the work took root.
3. Consider creating intentional closure
Closure helps your brain complete the emotional cycle. Closure reduces the sense of sudden separation.
Some helpful options:
• Write them a letter (even if you don’t send it)
• Express gratitude in your final sessions
• Talk openly about your feelings of loss
• Ask if you can schedule a future “check-in” session if needed
4. Expect some emotional wobble—it’s normal
Even when you’re ready, you may feel:
• Vulnerable at times
• Unsure without the regular support
• A temporary increase in emotional sensitivity
This doesn’t mean you’re not ready. It’s your nervous system adjusting to standing on its own. Think of it like physical therapy—you can walk on your own now, but the first steps still feel unfamiliar.
5. You’re not losing the relationship completely
Many therapists offer:
• Occasional check-ins
• The option to return if needed
• Or simply the knowledge that the door isn’t locked
Just knowing this can ease abandonment feelings.
6. You may be experiencing “earned security”
This is actually one of the most beautiful outcomes of therapy. You learned that:
• Someone could be present
• Someone could help you regulate
• Someone could care consistently
And now your system is learning: I can be that person for myself too.
As researcher Brené Brown often emphasizes, healing relationships teach us that we are worthy of care—and eventually, we learn to offer that same care inward.
7. A gentle mindset shift that helps many people
Your therapist didn’t just support you—they helped you become someone who can support yourself.
Instead of thinking: I’m losing my therapist.”
Try thinking: “I’m carrying forward what they helped me build.”
8. Especially important given your recovery journey
Because you’ve worked so hard in recovery, your therapist may have been deeply tied to:
• Safety
• Survival
• Identity rebuilding
So letting go can feel like letting go of a huge part of your life. That part doesn’t disappear. It becomes part of you and your great strength.
⸻——————
Gradual transitions often feel much safer emotionally. Here’s how to make a gradual taper emotionally steadier:
1. Name the Attachment Out Loud
If you haven’t already, tell your therapist directly:
• “Part of me feels scared about losing this.”
• “I notice abandonment feelings coming up.”
• “I’m proud of my progress, but I’m also sad.”
Processing the ending with them is actually part of the final healing layer.
2. Stretch the Space Intentionally
When sessions move from weekly to biweekly or monthly, treat the in-between time as practice rather than absence.
You might try:
• Keeping a short “What I’d Bring to Session” note in your phone.
• Asking yourself, “What would she/he ask me right now?”
• Writing brief reflections after tough moments.
This helps you internalize the therapist’s voice.
3. Create a “Bridge Object”
Some people find it helpful to:
• Keep a phrase their therapist often said..
• Write down coping tools learned in therapy.
• Keep one meaningful takeaway from your work together.
It becomes symbolic continuity instead of loss.
4. Expect a Little Regression Anxiety
When your contact with your therapist decreases, you might notice:
• Increased sensitivity
• A small spike in self-doubt
• Worry about slipping
This is common during tapering. It’s your nervous system recalibrating — not proof you’re not ready. The key question isn’t: “Am I anxious?” It’s: “Am I using what I’ve learned?”
5. Consider a Future “Safety Net” Plan
Ask about:
• An agreed-upon check-in 3–6 months out.
• The option to return if needed.
• What signs would indicate coming back.
Having a re-entry plan reduces abandonment fear dramatically.
6. Reframe What This Stage Means
You’re not being left. You’re being trusted. This stage isn’t:
• “I don’t need support.”
It’s:
• “I’m practicing independence with support still available.”
When you imagine the therapy fully ending someday, does it feel more like:
• Sadness?
• Fear?
• Anger?
• Or something else?
There’s usually one dominant feeling underneath, and naming it makes it much less powerful.
FINAL THOUGHTS:
I know and believe that those of us who suffer from an ED of any type can beat it. It is hard work and at times feels impossible; but I am sure it is a goal that is obtainable to all of you out there.
KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!
Wings of Recovery 