Tag: acceptance

My positive Tips & Tricks

Along my very long journey towards recovery, I have made discoveries of various things that work for me when I am struggling.  Many of these are just my own adaptation of tools from different methodologies that are proven to work combatting ED.  These tips and tricks work for me.  Feel free to give them a try or just use these ideas to make up your own.  

I use the 5 senses tool but with a slight variation.  I will name my favorite movies, 4 of the main characters in it, 3 of my reasons I enjoyed the ‘movie to make it one of my favorites, 2 places that I thought were great in the movie and 1 favorite scene in the movie.  Use as much or as little detail as you are able; the more detail the longer the exercise is and the more calm you might find yourself becoming.  This technique does not keep me grounded in the present as the 5 senses tool does.  But rather allows me to distract myself away from the ruminating or unpleasant thoughts I am having.  Which ultimately helps to calm me and then allows me to be back in the present.  I am a reader, so I might switch it up and use 5 of my favorite books.

One of my favorite tricks is just as simple.  I am, and always have been, a reader so I take my favorite book or series of books and using any actress or actor, past or present, alive or dead and at any age they were in acting to figure out who I would cast as each character.  See if you can actually visualize them in the role you are assigning them to.  If you are not a reader, but use an app to listen to a book, you can still do this.  This is also something I use when my mind is racing at night and I need to slow it down.  BTW, if you and any of your friends are readers, you can turn this into a great conversation which can invoke a lot of laughter as you learn who others think would be a good fit for each character.

The great thing about the first 2 tips/tricks is that you can do them anytime you want.  You are only using your mind and last I checked no one is a mind reader so others won’t know what you are doing. 

Another thing that I do which helps with distraction and helps make me smile is that I think of something, going all the way back to the first things I can remember, and find a positive memory.  Once you find one, concentrate on the actual memory and NOT what happened before or after the memory.  Everyone has at least one memory that brings a smile to their face.  The trick here is to focus on the positive emotions that the memory invokes.  Go ahead and actually smile as you remember it.  That is the object.  Don’t panic if it is hard to find one in the beginning.  Just keep trying.  When I first developed this technique for myself it was impossible for me to find a good memory.  But I kept working on it for only about 2 minutes at a time until I was able to find one.  The reason for the time limit is to minimize any sense of frustration when you are not able to recall something good.  Don’t beat yourself up.   Just try again at another time.  It took me about 5 times of doing this technique before I was able to come up with one.  Once I was able to find a memory, it seemed like the flood of good memories didn’t want to stop.  This helped me to begin to realize that my life had some great times, which I had a hard time remembering.  My first good memory that makes me smile is the x-mas I got a brush, comb and mirror set when I was 6.  Both of my grandmothers had one and I felt so grown up and ‘just like them’.  This memory never fails to make me smile.  

As time goes by you may find other tips and tricks that work for you.  In my opinion, any tips or tricks you find that are POSITIVE in nature and help you are okay.  E-mail me with them at wingsofrecovery@yahoo.com.  If I get enough tips and tricks that work for you, I will publish a blog on them in the future.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I know and believe that those of us who suffer from an ED of any type can beat it.  It is hard work and at times feels impossible; but I am sure it is a goal that is obtainable to all of you out there.

KEEP YOUR CHIN UP!  Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it.  Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!

Radical Acceptance

All of us who suffer from low or non-existent self-esteem tend to wonder and feel like “what’s wrong with me?” are constantly in search for an answer to this age long question.  This question can run our minds around in circles.  We have all been there.  To me this is an ever present question that I desperately sought and still seek an answer to.  By believing there is something inherently wrong with us we tend to gravitate towards emotions and thoughts of “I am unworthy of … “; “I don’t deserve …”; or even “I can’t do … because…”, fill in the blank with your own thoughts.  We are never able to truly relax and enjoy the life we have at that moment.

Radical acceptance is about fully accepting reality as it is, even when it’s painful or difficult. It means acknowledging the facts of a situation without trying to deny, fight, or change them. This doesn’t mean you approve of the situation or agree with it, it just means you recognize that it’s real. By accepting reality, you can reduce emotional suffering and focus your energy on what you can control, rather than being stuck in frustration or anger over things you can’t change. It’s a concept often used in mindfulness and therapy to help people cope with tough emotions and experiences. 

Philosopher and psychologist William James once said, “the first step in overcoming any misfortune is to allow it to be”.

The saying of “It is what it is” is a form of radical acceptance.  The situation is just that; and is neither good or bad.  ‘“It is what it is” has no judgement attached to it, just the facts of the situation; which is exactly what Radical Acceptance is.

ACCEPTANCE IS NOT:

saying what happened is okay

giving up or giving in.  

ACCEPTANCE IS:

acknowledging reality so you can marshal your psychological    and emotional resources to move forward.

Learning to accept reality, and then using your skills to be as effective as possible, is the path forward and the way to end suffering.

Practicing radical acceptance involves a few key steps to help you acknowledge reality and reduce emotional suffering. To practice the Radical Acceptance tools you need to notice what you’re resisting.  Pay attention to situations where you’re feeling anger, frustration, or denial. Ask yourself, “What am I struggling to accept right now?”.  Next comes the acknowledge reality step; clearly recognize the facts of the situation, even if they’re painful. Remind yourself, “This is the way things are, whether I like it or not.”  You also need to practice recognizing what you can and can’t control, which is to understand that while you can control your response, you can’t always control circumstances or other people.  Another step involves allowing yourself to feel by letting yourself experience the emotions that come with acceptance—whether it’s sadness, disappointment, or grief—without judgment.  Lastly we need to challenge unhelpful thoughts.  You might want to consider noticing thoughts like “This shouldn’t be happening!” and gently shift them to “It is happening, and I can handle it.”

Some of the tools we can use to help us to practice this technique are mindfulness.  Focus your thoughts on staying present. Avoid dwelling on how things could or should be. Ground yourself by paying attention to your breath or surroundings.  Practice self-compassion; be kind to yourself. Acceptance can be hard, and it’s okay to struggle with it.

Radical acceptance isn’t a one-time thing. You may need to remind yourself to accept reality over and over, especially in challenging situations.  It’s a skill that takes time to develop, but with practice, it can lead to less emotional suffering and greater inner peace.

Spend the next few minutes contemplating the role of acceptance in your life.  What are some things you are having a difficult time accepting?  Is this something I can control?  What skills do you have and can use to accept those things?

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I know and believe that those of us who suffer from an ED of any type can beat it.  It is hard work and at times feels impossible; but I am sure it is a goal that is obtainable to all of you out there.

KEEP YOUR CHIN UP!  Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it.  Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!