For many of us, setting goals can be not only difficult, but extremely painful as well. We are uncertain of where to even begin since for during our ED the only thing that occupied our brains and minds was our ED and the rules it made for us. Thousands of thoughts fly through our minds at a speed we can barely manage. This task usually seems overwhelming and very confusing…what do I work on first…what happens if I can’t reach my goals…what happens next if I DO reach my goals…how do I even set a goal…what is the most important item I need to reach and strive for first…and on and on. This is where your support team can and hopefully will help. Lean on them.
First, keep your goals reachable and simple especially at the beginning of your recovery process. Using the SMART goal setting process has been a huge help to me when doing this even as I have gotten better. The SMART process is straight forward and easy to use. It helps to make your goals small, especially at the beginning of your journey. Remember baby steps forward helps you to not become overwhelmed (something we all struggle with). Each goal should be set up as:
Specific
Measurable
Attainable
Realistic
Timely
Write your goal out, using the above criteria. Writing the goal out with the SMART system helps to cement it into your mind. Remember, almost all goals can be broken out into much smaller goals. If the goal you have set seems overwhelming, break it down into manageable parts. As you reach each baby step of the entire goal, GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT and move on to the next step. Our friends and family and professional support team can help a great deal by helping you to notice your progress and add encouragement when you are struggling. If your goal is something you set up to do on a regular basis and you forget, DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP. But rather, just try again. Failing to achieve a goal does NOT make you a failure. You are strong and tough so just make a decision to try again. You will make it and will reach the goal with practice.
One of my first goals was to practice self-care. For most people with an ED this is an area we have sorely neglected. Not because we were not wanting to do it; but rather because we didn’t think we were worth it or simply did not have the energy to do it. It was also to me, the easiest goal to start with. If you choose this as your first goal, I would suggest you begin by making your bed every day. If you forget to do this, DO NOT beat yourself up. Starting a new goal may be something you are not used to. Simply get up and go make it when you realize you forgot.
Some goals you may decide to reach for are:
- Self-care such as Make your bed, Brush your hair, Brush your teeth, Shower on a regular basis, Take any medication you are prescribed in the manner they should be taken, Get enough sleep.
- Not spending so much time on social media or watching TV (decrease this time slowly day by day)
- Catching the nasty ED thoughts – even if it is only catching 1 a day
- Volunteer doing something you will enjoy. By volunteering, it gets you out of the house and also allows you to focus on something other than yourself and the ED which has invaded your life.
- Share your talents. What are you good at? Project management? Writing? Design? Accounting? Do you know how to sew? Can you teach or tutor in a language? For every skill and ability, there’s likely to be a volunteer organization that could use your talents to support their mission.
- Getting out of your residence – even if it to just go outside for 5 minutes. You can increase the time slowly day by day. Places you may choose to go are:
- Outside – your own yard or even a park if there is one you have access to. If you like to read take a book with you. This provides a distraction for you which helps decrease your anxiety.
- Outside and walk your dog if you have one, increasing the time you spend walking your pet slowly
- A coffee shop, staying and drinking your beverage there if you can. If you are unable to stay, just getting out and getting a beverage is a great beginning
- If you are a reader, try the library.
- Go to a movie theater, if finances are a concern, try a matinee; it is cheaper.
- Call a family member or a good friend who understands your struggle and go visit with them or meet them at the park or coffee shop. This allows you to keep the visit within the time limit you are able to handle.
- Find an area you are interested in and learn. This may mean learning by reading articles on the internet, going to the library and checking out a book on it (library cards are free), find a class on your interest even if the class is online if you are in a financial position to be able to do so.
Each time you are able to reach a goal you set for yourself helps you to realize you can do it and increases your self-confidence even if you don’t see or feel it at the time.
FINAL THOUGHTS:
I know and believe that those of us who suffer from an ED of any type can beat it. It is hard work and at times feels impossible; but I am sure it is a goal that is obtainable to all of you out there.
KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!
Wings of Recovery 