health – Wings of Recovery

Letting go of my therapist

I USE THE WORD THERAPIST – BUT THIS COULD MEAN THERAPIST, PSYCHOLOGIST, PSYCHIATRIST, DIETITIAN OR ANY MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL THAT IS PART OF MENTAL RECOVERY OF YOUR SUPPORT TEAM.

There finally comes a time in our recovery journey where it is time to begin to phase out our therapist. OH NO; NOW WHAT? If you are like me, even the thought of do this sending almost instant panic and fear into my body and mind.

This reaction is actually very common and very human. When your therapist has been with you through vulnerable, difficult, and transformative parts of your life, the relationship becomes meaningful. Letting go, even because you’re doing better, can still stir feelings of abandonment, grief, or uncertainty. This doesn’t mean you’re regressing. It generally means that the relationship mattered to you. Here are some important ways to navigate this transition:

1. Recognize that this is a form of grief; not all grief is a negative thing.

Even positive endings can bring grief. Your nervous system learned: “This person helps me stay okay.” Letting go can feel like losing your stabilizing anchor, even if you’re stronger now. This is absolutely not weakness—it’s attachment, which is a necessary part of healing. Your therapist has meant:

• Safety

• Witnessing

• Consistency

• Support during fragile moments

2. Reframe the ending as a graduation, not abandonment

Abandonment is when someone leaves without regard for your wellbeing. You’re not losing what they gave you. You carry it, all the positive and productive tools and everything you have learned inside of you now.

This situation is different. This is:

• A transition

• Evidence of growth

• A sign you’ve internalized what you needed

Many people find comfort in this idea: the therapist’s words have become a voice inside your mind, an “internal voice”, so to speak, that you can still access and recall when needed. You may notice yourself thinking “What would they say right now?” That’s a sign the work took root.

3. Consider creating intentional closure

Closure helps your brain complete the emotional cycle. Closure reduces the sense of sudden separation.

Some helpful options:

• Write them a letter (even if you don’t send it)

• Express gratitude in your final sessions

• Talk openly about your feelings of loss

• Ask if you can schedule a future “check-in” session if needed

4. Expect some emotional wobble—it’s normal

Even when you’re ready, you may feel:

• Vulnerable at times

• Unsure without the regular support

• A temporary increase in emotional sensitivity

This doesn’t mean you’re not ready. It’s your nervous system adjusting to standing on its own. Think of it like physical therapy—you can walk on your own now, but the first steps still feel unfamiliar.

5. You’re not losing the relationship completely

Many therapists offer:

• Occasional check-ins

• The option to return if needed

• Or simply the knowledge that the door isn’t locked

Just knowing this can ease abandonment feelings.

6. You may be experiencing “earned security”

This is actually one of the most beautiful outcomes of therapy. You learned that:

• Someone could be present

• Someone could help you regulate

• Someone could care consistently

And now your system is learning: I can be that person for myself too.

As researcher Brené Brown often emphasizes, healing relationships teach us that we are worthy of care—and eventually, we learn to offer that same care inward.

7. A gentle mindset shift that helps many people

Your therapist didn’t just support you—they helped you become someone who can support yourself.

Instead of thinking: I’m losing my therapist.”

Try thinking: “I’m carrying forward what they helped me build.”

8. Especially important given your recovery journey

Because you’ve worked so hard in recovery, your therapist may have been deeply tied to:

• Safety

• Survival

• Identity rebuilding

So letting go can feel like letting go of a huge part of your life. That part doesn’t disappear. It becomes part of you and your great strength.

⸻——————

Gradual transitions often feel much safer emotionally. Here’s how to make a gradual taper emotionally steadier:

1. Name the Attachment Out Loud

If you haven’t already, tell your therapist directly:

• “Part of me feels scared about losing this.”

• “I notice abandonment feelings coming up.”

• “I’m proud of my progress, but I’m also sad.”

Processing the ending with them is actually part of the final healing layer.

2. Stretch the Space Intentionally

When sessions move from weekly to biweekly or monthly, treat the in-between time as practice rather than absence.

You might try:

• Keeping a short “What I’d Bring to Session” note in your phone.

• Asking yourself, “What would she/he ask me right now?”

• Writing brief reflections after tough moments.

This helps you internalize the therapist’s voice.

3. Create a “Bridge Object”

Some people find it helpful to:

• Keep a phrase their therapist often said..

• Write down coping tools learned in therapy.

• Keep one meaningful takeaway from your work together.

It becomes symbolic continuity instead of loss.

4. Expect a Little Regression Anxiety

When your contact with your therapist decreases, you might notice:

• Increased sensitivity

• A small spike in self-doubt

• Worry about slipping

This is common during tapering. It’s your nervous system recalibrating — not proof you’re not ready. The key question isn’t: “Am I anxious?” It’s: “Am I using what I’ve learned?”

5. Consider a Future “Safety Net” Plan

Ask about:

• An agreed-upon check-in 3–6 months out.

• The option to return if needed.

• What signs would indicate coming back.

Having a re-entry plan reduces abandonment fear dramatically.

6. Reframe What This Stage Means

You’re not being left. You’re being trusted. This stage isn’t:

• “I don’t need support.”

It’s:

• “I’m practicing independence with support still available.”

When you imagine the therapy fully ending someday, does it feel more like:

• Sadness?

• Fear?

• Anger?

• Or something else?

There’s usually one dominant feeling underneath, and naming it makes it much less powerful.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!

Understanding Our ED

None of us woke up one morning and said “self, I think today I want to develop an eating disorder”. It does not happen like that as we all know. We all start our disordered eating for different reasons. But the end result is the same, we are all suffering from a disease that started in one form or another as a way to cope with something we were not able or didn’t have the tools to handle. Everyone’s beginnings are similar, but different. Unfortunately the ending is all the same. The fear, shame, self-loathing, depression, isolation and many other unpleasant thoughts, feelings and emotions overwhelm us. Leaving us feeling like we are drowning in despair.

For me, understanding exactly why I began restricting was painful because it meant what I call ‘re-hashing or re-opening’ of the old wounds. Something I was not prepared to go through again. In fact every time I tried to deal with my past my anorexia grew more out of my control. So the old wounds just festered. My ED gave me something to control and focus on while it took over my life and my brain in a way that allowed me to avoid re-opening my past.

Developing an eating disorder can be complex, varied and influenced by many areas of our life, including emotional, psychological, biological, and social elements. Some common influences that can allow this disorder to begin may include:

Emotional and Psychological Factors such as stress, anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, or a need for control can aid in the development of disordered eating patterns. Sometimes food or lack of food becomes a way to cope with overwhelming emotions.

Cultural and Social Pressures of societal beauty standards, media glorification of body image, or pressure from peers and our family can influence how we see perceive our bodies and our relationship with food. When I was growing up a model named Twiggy was the rage. She was a toothpick thin woman and was held up as a standard all women should look like. Today we know that is so not healthy.

Biological Factors like genetics, hormonal imbalances, or brain chemistry can play a role in predisposing us to an eating disorder. We can also be heavily influenced by the example our parents set for us. If we see that our mother doesn’t eat much or binges and/or purges, over exercises especially when she is stressed or for whatever reason, this tells our brain that this is the way to handle stress, anxiety and/or unpleasant emotions. I am not sure if this is a biological factor or falls under family dynamics, so I put it in both categories.

Trauma and Life Experiences like bullying, abuse (of any type), loss of an important person in our lives, a major traumatic event which causes us deep pain or significant life changes can lead to feelings of vulnerability or loss of control, which some of us might try to manage through eating behaviors.

Family Dynamics where growing up in an environment where there’s an emphasis on appearance, dieting, or where emotional needs weren’t fully met can also be a contributing factor. The examples set by our childhood caretakers can also have a large influence on whether we develop disordered eating. If our caretaker uses food in one way or another to cope with their feelings, anxiety or other unpleasant situations, that is a strong example that we learn early on. We learn that is a way to cope. It would not be uncommon for us to develop that sort of coping mechanism ourselves.

Understanding the root causes of an eating disorder is personal and often complex. I believe that we MUST be in a place of good physical and stable mental health before we can begin to tackle this subject. Quite often we also suffer from other forms of mental issues such as depression, PTSD, BPD, severe anxiety or bi-polar just to name a few. Left unknown, unseen (because we are masters at hiding what we don’t want others to see), misdiagnosed or untreated can also greatly increase the chances of an eating disorder making its ugly appearance. These too must be dealt with before dealing with the why question. For without dealing with the underlying mental issues we can not achieve the stable mental health we need to pursue sorting out and dealing with the why of our ED.

I have found that the ED had to be dealt with first and foremost. With the help of my support team, both professional and friends and family, I was able to reach and maintain a healthy weight. Once I had enough mental and physical wellness as well as a ton of tools in my tool box to explore this area, I began to deal with the why I developed my ED. I won’t sit here and say it is not scary and fear filled to reopen old wounds; but it is a necessary part of truly healing, in my opinion.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you.

How to Handle Strong Emotions (Without Losing Your Mind)

Let’s be real—emotions can hit hard. One minute you’re fine, the next you’re furious, sobbing, or feeling like you’re going to explode. It happens to all of use for no apparent reason. You’re human. Feeling big emotions is part of just being alive. You’re not too much, and you’re not alone. The trick isn’t to avoid emotions—it’s learning how to deal with them without letting them overwhelm you. The more you practice handling these incredibly strong emotions, the stronger and more grounded you’ll become. Here’s how to get a handle on those intense feelings:

Name It to Tame It – Sounds cheesy, but it works. When you’re stressed and overwhelmed, stop and ask yourself: What exactly am I feeling? Angry? Embarrassed? Jealous? Anxious? Naming your emotion makes it less scary and more manageable.

Breathe. Seriously – Your brain freaks out and does all kind of unwanted things when you’re emotional, and deep breathing calms it down. Try this: inhale for 4 seconds, hold it for 4, exhale for 6. Do that a few times and you’ll feel the difference. You can also find other breathing techniques in my blog “Just Breathe”.

Don’t Bottle It Up (But Don’t Explode Either) – Shoving your emotions down doesn’t make them go away; it just delays them for being dealt with and gives them a chance to become stronger and more overwhelming. But letting them explode all over someone else doesn’t help either. Write in a journal, talk to someone you trust, or get creative—draw, make music, move your body. You can see my blog on journaling for some suggestions on this if you haven’t thought of this earlier.

Find the Story You’re Telling Yourself – Sometimes strong emotions come from the story we’re spinning in our heads. These are called cognitive distortions. Such as

they ignored me, so they must hate me.” Stop. Ask: Is that actually true? Or am I assuming the worst? Be curious about your thoughts—not an instant judge of yourself and your thoughts.

Take a Timeout – It’s okay to walk away. Whether it’s from a heated conversation, a stressful situation, or your own overthinking brain—step back. Give yourself space to cool off and think clearly. This is another place you can use using breathing techniques to encourage and help your mind calm down.

Emotions Are Temporary – Even the strongest emotions don’t last forever. REMEMBER…emotions usually only last 90 seconds. Yes, you read correctly…90 SECONDS! However that is assuming we don’t do anything to intensify them. No ruminating, no anguishing over them, etc. I realize that can be almost impossible for us. You might feel like your world is ending, but it won’t feel that way tomorrow—or even in a few hours. Ride the wave.

Talk to Someone – You don’t have to deal with everything alone. Talking to a friend, a mentor, your support team (professional or personal) isn’t weak—it’s smart. You deserve support. I will tell you from personal experience that emotions that are shared DO tend to lose their power over us and our mind.

If you find yourself with unbelievably strong emotions and you forget these suggestions…don’t panic! As long as the emotions still exist you can begin to use any or all of these tools. Or any tools that are in your toolbox that you are able to remember. If you can’t find anything in your toolbox and none of the above ideas don’t work for you; reach out to your support team, they may have further suggestions. No beating yourself up! This only serves to add more negative emotions to your already overflowing emotions. Remember, emotions can’t really hurt you physically.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I know and believe that those of us who suffer from an ED of any type can beat it. It is hard work and at times feels impossible; but I am sure it is a goal that is obtainable to all of you out there. KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!

Don’t let a slip turn into a slide

Not one of use who suffer from an eating disorder are able to “get it” immediately. We all struggle, especially in the beginning. Remember, recovery IS NOT LINEAR. It has its ups and downs. Some days we believe ‘I got this’ and other times we are so overwhelmed and want to throw in the towel. On those days we feel like ‘I got this’ we feel on top of the world…woo-hoo, finally! The days that we are overwhelmed are the days we struggle just to keep our head above water. These are the days we tend to let our meal plan slide. These are the days that we throw up our hands and say forget this crap. Those are the days we are most likely to begin to slip. We all have those days no matter how long we have been in recovery or how far we have come in our journey. The trick here is DON’T LET THE SLIP TURN INTO A SLIDE. If we can think about it in a more positive manner, we can prevent this from happening.

If you are able, reach out to your professional team to get help with this. Part of their “job” is to help us so the slip doesn’t turn into a slide. They may have tools to suggest that you can use to help you get back your motivation and courage (yes, it takes courage to beat this disease) and desire to ‘get back on the horse’ so to speak. They can help you to figure out what you need to change with your thinking so you can stop the slip. They will help you to not beat yourself up, something we all are way too good at doing. If you are unable to see what triggered the slip, they are there to help you, guide yourself to the answer, and work through it.

Check to see what tools you may already know and can use to make this process easier. The tools may be able for help you figure out what triggered the slip. Use those tools! Take a look at your motivation and use that to give you the gentle nudge you may need to make today a more beneficial and healthier day. Journal, get busy, use self-soothing. Use Check the Facts or Pros & Cons (both DBT tools) to see if you can find other ways to make better decisions when it comes to your meal plan. Meditation can be a valuable tool; I use the mantra meditation technique. Being an anorexic, my mantra for this is “I deserve and want to eat”. You can make your own mantra based on your type of ED. This is also where I turn to my higher power. I can get extra strength from him if I ask, then sit quietly and listen.

If you journal or keep a gratitude journal go back and read your wins or look at your progress list (if you made one). This can help us to remember that bad days happen, but you are moving forward and making progress even if you aren’t able to see that for yourself. If you don’t do either of those things, just sit quietly and see if you can find some progress in your recovery, no matter how small you may feel the progress is.

Each day is a new day, a new beginning, a fresh start. Each day we get up we can reaffirm our decision to do the best we can. Yesterday is over, today is all we have. So let’s begin by not beating ourselves up over a day where we were not able to achieve our meal plan. We cannot change it; but rather might use yesterday as a history book to see what NOT to do. If you are not happy with yourself over yesterday and your actions then you have the power to change them today. By this I do not mean change what you did but to just use your radical acceptance tool and accept. No judgement, no butt kicking of yourself. It was what it was. Remember, YESTERDAY IS OVER. Make a resolution to do better today. Then do it!

FINAL THOUGHTS:

KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!

2 Years Ago

Today marks the 2 year anniversary since I entered the residential treatment facility for my eating disorder. I was a mess back then; confused, angry and in deep despair. I shook and cried the whole time during the intake process. I felt like a total failure. I hated knowing there was something I couldn’t tackle on my own. My self-hatred ran deep. I had had to rely on my daughter to get me to the treatment facility which also made me feel terrible. After all, I was the mom and I was supposed to take of her (even though she was an adult with her own child) not the other way around. Most of all, I was afraid. Probably the most afraid I can ever remember being in my life of 66 years. What would they do to me? How could anyone possibly help me; after all I was sure no one could help me. I had resigned myself that this disease was going to kill me. At that point that was preferable to the mental pain I was in.

As I have said I the “My Personal Journey “ blog I was not the “best patient”! I fought and fought to control everything. Fortunately, they had (I am sure) encountered other patients with the same attitude as me. I challenged everything they were trying to teach me. I hated being asked to do things I was not “perfect” at; sure that everyone was judging me. The staff at the facility were kind and patient. They listened to my fears and helped me to find out I could manage (notice I didn’t use the word control) my ED.

2 years later, I have reached my goal weight and no longer believe this disease was going to kill me. Though a lot of hard work and many ups and downs I now believe that I can live a life filled with love, happiness and the ability to be there for those people that I loved. I no longer feel that this disease will kill me.

My professional support system has continued the lessons I learned at the treatment facility. They have helped me to spot the cognitive distortions and challenge them with other more positive thoughts. They have helped me to continue the progress and the lessons I learned at the treatment facility. I am the one that still had to do the hard work; but at times I fought against it with all my might.

I have learned that I am worth fighting for. I don’t have to let this disease control me, but rather that I could manage it. I now have the ability to know when it is me or the ED talking. I learned that I will always have to be aware of my triggers which always set off my ED. I have learned how to manage my triggers about 75% of the time. I am human, so I still have moments where those triggers overwhelm me. This is where I have learned to reach out to them; that I am NOT a burden to them when I reach out during the times I am struggling during the days I am not seeing them. They have been kind, compassionate and gentle. Which for me are traits I am not used to having shown to me.

I am now genuinely happy some of the time. My ED no longer runs my life most of the time. I can show myself and are worthy of the same compassion and understanding that I receive from my support team. I no longer feel as though this disease is all I have. I don’t need to be defined by a number on the scale; that there is so much more to me. I have a bright future. I embrace the future, though at times with trepidation, and realize that I am NOT my past. I now try very hard to not ‘fortune tell’ but rather to use my past as nothing more than a history book and NOT a crystal ball!

I will be the first to tell you all that this past 2 years has been difficult and at times seems impossible to keep on track. But for me, it is has been well worth it, in spite of the pain I have gone through to get here. I know that the pain won’t last forever and I have the tools to cope with it. It may take me a day or 2 to work through this pain; but I can do it. I keep track of my progress for those days that I am sure I can’t go another step. I have found a purpose in my life which helps me on those ‘bad’ days. I also use my playlist to remind me that “I will survive”.

Be aware for the times that the ED is talking. One step at a time, no matter how small of a step it is. Life can be good again. But only you can do the hard work! My hope for all of you is that you can beat this awful persistent disease and live a happy, purposeful and productive life! You are NOT your disease!

FINAL THOUGHTS:

KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!

How do I get through today?

This blog is going to be longer than most of my blogs. By the very nature of humans, not even considering our ED, we all have bad days, complete with wondering how it can be gotten through.

Even though I have been working very hard towards recovery, I, like you, have what in my mind are very bad days. I feel as though it is all I can do just to put one foot in front of another. I am quite sure that each of us battling this disease have days like this. No matter how well we may be doing towards our recovery, these days can feel so very overwhelming. We can feel so lost in our emotions, we can’t even begin to see the light, and may not be able to believe there is a light, much less how to handle these intense feelings and emotions. If we have been in recovery for any length of time and feel as though we have managed our ED well, we still have days like this. For me, they seem exceptionally brutal since I felt as though I have dealt with all of this bs. We may even be afraid to turn to our support system because we have been doing well and we feel as though we will let them down. We most likely feel as though we have let ourselves down; that “I will never ever recover”, or even “what’s wrong with me, why can’t I ‘get’ this”? Old thinking is hard to let go of, especially when we are having a bad day. Those old thoughts seem to pop up when we least expect them. Those thoughts helped us in a way that once upon a time we believed served and protected us in some way. I wish I had a magic wand to make all of these feelings and emotions just disappear; but it doesn’t work that way, and we all know this. The fear can be so severe that we just can’t think of what to do to help ourselves.

So what do we do on days like this? First and foremost, DON’T BEAT YOURSELF UP! I understand that this is much more difficult than it sounds. Sometimes hearing this from someone is enough, and sometimes we can’t ’hear’ those words and we continue to still berate ourselves, feeling like a miserable failure. I, just like the rest of you, at times, struggle with this. At times like this, my first go-to step is to reach out to my professional support. These persons will not be judgmental but rather understanding of our fears. At times, they can give you a way to channel your thinking into another thought that you are able to use to stop beating yourself up. You are not a terrible person but just a person who is having a bad day.

When the thoughts become dangerous is when we are not able to sit with our feelings and are contemplating an old behavior that leads to self-harm of one form or another. At this time, I cannot stress enough that this is when it is imperative; that is, you ABSOLUTELY NEED TO REACH OUT to your professional team. This may also be very difficult since many of us feel as though we are ‘a burden’ and that we are a phony because we have been doing well. Those are feelings that are a cognitive distortion. We are not a burden! Our professional team, especially those who have experience in treating ED, are well aware that there are going to be those days, thoughts, and feelings. They will be able to help you process the feelings you may be having before the slip turns into a slide.

Let’s look at the words ‘never’ or ‘ever’. Let’s challenge them because in reality, we know they are NOT true and are just cognitive distortions. The very word ‘never’ or ‘ever’ means for the rest of your life. Are you quite sure that you will never, ever recover? Do you really believe this is true? Can you allow yourself to believe that this feeling is only temporary and that possibly tomorrow or sometime in the near future, you will be able to pick yourself back up and get back on the horse? We have all been told repeatedly, and we might want to try to remember that RECOVERY IS NOT LINEAR. If this is a hard concept for us to grasp at this time, after all, most of us are perfectionists, and we detest feelings that cause us to think we have failed…know you have not failed…failure would be to give up totally and to completely stop trying. If you are reading this blog, know that I believe you haven’t given up.

Understand that everyone, including me, has days that we want to throw in the towel. When I was in treatment at the residential facility, I learned that all people have bad days. The trick here is to remember that. This is something that we don’t always realize. But it is really, really true. We just do not see it. All humans have days that they are not feeling 100%, no matter how ‘put together’ they seem to be. No bad days mean you are a robot without emotions, feelings, or thoughts that are unpleasant! Sitting with these fears is what you might try. I know they feel as though they will never go away, but they will. Believe it or not, if we “don’t feed our emotions,” they usually disappear in 90 seconds. It seems impossible to believe that, but the trick here and the key takeaway is “don’t feed the emotions.”

These days are the days when I have to take it back to the beginning! I force myself to do the very small things that I did at the very start of my recovery journey that helped me out. I use the small things since big things feel impossible. I am here to tell you that even doing this can feel so very hard. My small things are focused around self-care. Brush your hair, wash your face, brush your teeth, or just make your bed, if those are things you struggled with at the beginning of your journey. Then give yourself credit for being able to do this. “ I did it” goes a long way to letting your brain know you are NOT a failure, that you are making progress in spite of your negative emotions.

If you keep a progress list, read it again to remind yourself that you have made progress. If you keep a gratitude journal or any type of writing and keep track of your daily wins, reread them. Works the same way.

Yoga/Tai Chi or gentle stretching helps to reset your vagus nerve in your brain. The vagus nerve is one of the most important nerves in your body. It’s the longest cranial nerve and plays a huge role in the parasympathetic nervous system, which controls rest, digestion, and relaxation. When we are upset, there are physical changes our mind and brain go through. The vagus nerve supports breathing since our breathing tends to become ‘goofy’. It does this by affecting the muscles involved in breathing, helping regulate the diaphragm. This is the area of our mind that connects the gut and brain. The vagus nerve is a key part of the gut-brain process, influencing mood, mental health, and even conditions like anxiety and depression. To me, the most important (though they are all important reasons) reason to resetting the vagus nerve is because it triggers the relaxation response. Stimulating the vagus nerve (through deep breathing, cold exposure, or meditation) can promote relaxation and reduce stress. In short, it’s like the body’s superhighway for relaxation and balance—without it, we’d be stuck in a constant state of stress.

The idea of meditation (see the blog on meditation) feels at times impossible, especially when we are in distress. Try it! If you cannot concentrate on something, a pleasant event for you or a mantra, don’t panic. When you catch your mind drifting back to your distress, just gently and non-judgmentally, bring it back. Try this for whatever time you are able. Start with the goal of a small amount of time, even as small as one minute. Extend this time if and when you are able.

Other ideas, tips, and tricks are to use a breathing technique of your choice. You can also use distraction techniques where you do something, anything positive that takes your mind (even if it is a very short time) off of your negative thoughts. When they return, and they probably will if you are having a bad day, repeat any of these techniques over and over again. If you have access to some place that you consider nature, go there (if possible) and use one of the ideas listed above. Listen to POSITIVE, calming music is another way to help yourself. Maybe even try a new type of music that is calming, such as classical, close your eyes as let your mind find pictures that go with whatever you imagine or just sit quietly and ‘feel’ the music. Maybe songs that you liked when you were younger and in a better place can be helpful. Journal or write out your emotions, thoughts, feelings, and fears. Sometimes just getting them out in any form can be beneficial in lessening them. You don’t have to be an able to do these things perfectly!

Give yourself credit for doing any of the above techniques or any of the techniques that are in your toolbox. Remember, this tells your brain you are making progress, even if it is small, sometimes even tiny ways.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other, and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!

Yoga/Tai Chi

Doing Yoga or Tai Chi can be highly beneficial in eating disorder recovery because they promote mindfulness, body awareness, and stress reduction without focusing on weight or appearance. Both practices encourage present-moment awareness, helping individuals reconnect with their bodies in a non-judgmental way. They can reduce dissociation (feeling disconnected from the body), which is common in eating disorders. Yoga and Tai Chi can help to reduce stress and anxiety by activating the parasympathetic nervous system, promoting relaxation and reducing stress-related eating disorder triggers. They also lower cortisol levels (the stress hormone), which can help regulate appetite. Many people with eating disorders struggle with compulsive exercise. Yoga and Tai Chi offer gentle, intuitive movement rather than intense, calorie-driven workouts. These practices focus on how the body feels rather than how it looks, fostering self-compassion. Both disciplines teach breathing techniques and meditative focus, helping individuals cope with urges, anxiety, and emotional distress. Practicing self-compassion through movement can counter negative self-talk and perfectionism often associated with eating disorders. The gentle movements can improve digestion and circulation, which may be disrupted by eating disorders. Certain yoga poses (like twists and forward bends) can help with bloating and discomfort from reintroducing foods into recovery. Attending yoga or Tai Chi classes (especially trauma-informed ones) can provide social support and a sense of belonging without a focus on appearance or fitness levels. Classes in your area can be found by googling yoga (or tai chi) classes near m e. Those of us who are not in a financial position to pay for classes can find guided lessons on You Tube, including all levels. I would suggest you check out the you tube videos before you decide to sign up for an actual class, if this is something you are interested in. Trying it out via youtube videos may save you from spending money on a class that you find out is not for you.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!

Just Breathe

Breathing techniques are powerful tools for reducing stress, calming the mind, and improving overall well-being. By focusing on your breath, you can bring your body and mind into a state of relaxation. There are several breathing techniques that you can use. Choose the one that is best suited for you. All of these techniques require practice, practice, practice! Practicing a technique should be done while you are calm. This allows your brain to go to the breathing style and come to the front of your brain quicker when you are stressed and/or anxious. I do my practicing during tv commercials, after all what else do you have to do when watching the incessant commercials. I find that combining a mantra while breathing in and a separate mantra when breathing out has become very helpful to me. Such as breathe in and say to yourself “I breathe in calm”, while breathing out I repeat “I breathe out fear”. You may want to find your own mantra(s) that speak to you. Practicing this way, especially when in a calm state, helps to not only calm ourselves but to rewire our brains with positive beliefs. All types of breathing techniques begin with sitting or lying down in a comfortable position. After that each technique is different with different steps.

Diaphragmatic breathing, also known as abdominal breathing, involves breathing deeply into your diaphragm rather than shallowly into your chest. Place one hand on your chest and the other on your abdomen. Inhale deeply through your nose, allowing your abdomen to rise while your chest remains relatively still then exhale slowly through your mouth, feeling your abdomen fall. That’s it! Repeat for 5-10 minutes.

The 4-7-8 breathing is a type of pranayama, or focused breathing, that uses controlled breath to improve physical and mental health. This technique was developed to bring a person’s nervous system out of “flight or fight” response. 4-7- 8 breath work stimulates the vagus nerve, which engages the body’s relaxation response, and can positively impact cardiovascular, respiratory and gastrointestinal systems. Inhale quietly through your nose for a count of 4, hold your breath for a count of 7 then exhale completely through your mouth for a count of 8, making a whooshing sound. Repeat the cycle 4 times.

Box breathing, also known as four-square breathing, is a simple and effective technique. Inhale slowly through your nose for a count of 4, hold your breath for a count of 4, exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of 4 then hold your breath for another count of 4. Repeat for 4-5 minutes.

Alternate nostril breathing, or Nadi Shodhana, helps balance the mind and body. Close your right nostril with any finger that is comfortable. inhale deeply through your left nostril, then exhale through your left nostril. Release your right nostril after exhaling. Next close your left nostril with any finger. Inhale deeply through your right nostril then exhale through that nostril. Repeat for 5-10 cycles.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!

Meditation

Meditation is a practice where you focus your mind to reach a state of calm, clarity, and emotional balance. Meditation has been used to help create mental well-being, reduce stress, and enhance self-awareness for thousands of years dating all the way back to 5000 BCE. This is a tool where practice, practice, practice helps to make it more effective. Mediation is not a quick fix. This practice will NOT produce instant lasting results in the beginning. It is a well established fact that it takes about 21 days for our minds to actually believe what we are trying to teach it. Remember, practice makes everything work better. So practice, practice, practice!

Using meditation is a powerful tool for ED recovery because it helps cultivate mindfulness, emotional regulation, and a healthier relationship with food and the body. Meditation helps individuals become more present in the moment, making it easier to recognize hunger and fullness cues rather than acting on automatic, disordered behaviors. It allows space to observe thoughts without judgment, reducing negative self-talk and body dissatisfaction. Eating disorders are often fueled by stress, anxiety, and perfectionism. Meditation lowers cortisol levels, promoting a sense of calm and control. It can help prevent stress-induced urges to binge, restrict, or engage in other disordered behaviors. Meditation strengthens the ability to sit with uncomfortable emotions rather than numbing them through food-related behaviors. It fosters self-compassion, helping to counter feelings of guilt or shame after eating. Mindful meditation encourages intuitive eating by improving awareness of physical and emotional hunger. It helps separate true hunger from emotional cravings, reducing impulsive eating behaviors. By strengthening impulse control, meditation can help lessen the urges to binge, purge, or overexercise. It creates a pause between thought and action, allowing for healthier choices. Many eating disorders leave us with severe low self-esteem and body dissatisfaction. Meditation fosters gratitude, acceptance, and self-love. Practices like loving-kindness meditation help redirect harsh self-judgment toward compassion.

Meditation is not nearly as difficult as you might think. Though it is a technique that needs practice. You can practice it anywhere you can find a quiet place to relax. There is no time limit on how long you need to meditate. If you only have 5 minutes or 30 minutes, you can do it. Start small. As you get more comfortable and experienced you can gradually increase the time you meditate. Try not to spend time wondering if the time you have set for yourself to meditate is soon to be up.

Begin by finding a peaceful and quiet environment where you won’t be disturbed. A quiet room, a corner in your home, or even a park is all you need. If practicing this in your own home you may want to set up a calm, clutter-free corner for meditation. Having an actual visual item can help you to focus. I love grooming horses because doing that gives me a sense of deep inner peace, so I have a horse statue I can focus on. I find that soft music with no vocals helps me to get into the mind space needed. Sit in a comfortable position. You can sit cross-legged on the floor/ground, on a cushion, or in a chair with your feet flat on the ground. If you are out in nature, sitting against a tree will work. Stay flexible, if sitting still feels challenging, try walking meditation or mindful breathing while doing daily tasks Keep your back straight but relaxed; this may take some practice to relax. If possible, try to meditate at the same time each day (like after waking up or before bed) to build it into your routine. This is not a requirement, but rather to help you to create a daily ‘go-to’ routine.

Next close your eyes. This helps reduce distractions and increase your attention towards relaxing. Focus on your breath. Breathe normally, naturally and pay attention to your breath. Notice your inhale and exhale. Feel the sensation of air entering and leaving your nose or how your chest and belly rise and fall. If it is possible, try to “belly breath” which is a technique where you breath deeply and are able to fill your belly, not just your lungs with air. If you can’t do belly reaching don’t worry, it’s okay.

It’s natural for distracting thoughts to arise. Instead of fighting them, gently acknowledge them and bring your focus back to your breath. You may have to do this repeatedly especially when just beginning to practice meditation. Don’t beat yourself up if you find you need to do this a lot. That is so very normal. Meditation takes practice, so don’t be discouraged.

When you are done, slowly open your eyes. Take time to notice how you feel before moving on with your day. If it feels good, you can wiggle your hands, feet, arms or legs.

Some of the best meditation practices for eating disorder recovery are:

Mindfulness Meditation: This form of meditation focuses on the present moment, body sensations, and breath.

Body Scan Meditation – Helps reconnect with the body in a neutral, non-judgmental way.

Loving-Kindness Meditation – Encourages self-compassion and positive affirmations.

Guided Meditations for Eating Disorders – Many apps and YouTube videos offer recovery-focused meditations.

Mantra Meditation: This method uses silently repeating a word, phrase, or sound to focus the mind. For me, who lived in consistent state of fear, the phrase “I am safe” is a phrase I found that helped lower my constant fear level from a 5 (on a scale of 1 – 5) down to a 1. I have since added other mantras to my meditation while still incorporating my original “I am safe” into my meditation occasionally throughout my mantras.

These apps offer guided meditations, courses, and timers to help you stay on track.

Headspace – Great for beginners with guided meditations, courses, and sleep aids.

Calm – Offers guided sessions, breathing exercises, and relaxing soundscapes. This is the app I use on a regular basis. It has both guided and unguided sessions with or without music tracks and many different time lengths to chose from.

Insight Timer – FREE and extensive, with thousands of guided meditations and music tracks.

Ten Percent Happier – Focuses on mindfulness and is great for skeptics.

Smiling Mind – Offers programs tailored for different age groups and stress levels.

Simple Habit – Ideal for busy people, with meditations as short as five minutes.

Other resources you may find helpful to learn or to practice meditation would be:

YouTube: Channels like The Honest Guys or Michael Sealey offer free guided meditations.

Podcasts: Check out podcasts like The Daily Meditation Podcast or Meditative Story.

Books:

The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hanh

10% Happier by Dan Harris

Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn (my dietician recommended this to me)

FINAL THOUGHTS:

KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!