motivation – Wings of Recovery

Setting Goals

For many of us, setting goals can be not only difficult, but extremely painful as well. We are uncertain of where to even begin since for during our ED the only thing that occupied our brains and minds was our ED and the rules it made for us. Thousands of thoughts fly through our minds at a speed we can barely manage. This task usually seems overwhelming and very confusing…what do I work on first…what happens if I can’t reach my goals…what happens next if I DO reach my goals…how do I even set a goal…what is the most important item I need to reach and strive for first…and on and on. This is where your support team can and hopefully will help. Lean on them.

First, keep your goals reachable and simple especially at the beginning of your recovery process. Using the SMART goal setting process has been a huge help to me when doing this even as I have gotten better. The SMART process is straight forward and easy to use. It helps to make your goals small, especially at the beginning of your journey. Remember baby steps forward helps you to not become overwhelmed (something we all struggle with). Each goal should be set up as:

Specific

Measurable

Attainable

Realistic

Timely

Write your goal out, using the above criteria. Writing the goal out with the SMART system helps to cement it into your mind. Remember, almost all goals can be broken out into much smaller goals. If the goal you have set seems overwhelming, break it down into manageable parts. As you reach each baby step of the entire goal, GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT and move on to the next step. Our friends and family and professional support team can help a great deal by helping you to notice your progress and add encouragement when you are struggling. If your goal is something you set up to do on a regular basis and you forget, DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP. But rather, just try again. Failing to achieve a goal does NOT make you a failure. You are strong and tough so just make a decision to try again. You will make it and will reach the goal with practice.

One of my first goals was to practice self-care. For most people with an ED this is an area we have sorely neglected. Not because we were not wanting to do it; but rather because we didn’t think we were worth it or simply did not have the energy to do it. It was also to me, the easiest goal to start with. If you choose this as your first goal, I would suggest you begin by making your bed every day. If you forget to do this, DO NOT beat yourself up. Starting a new goal may be something you are not used to. Simply get up and go make it when you realize you forgot.

Some goals you may decide to reach for are:

Self-care such as Make your bed, Brush your hair, Brush your teeth, Shower on a regular basis, Take any medication you are prescribed in the manner they should be taken, Get enough sleep.
Not spending so much time on social media or watching TV (decrease this time slowly day by day)
Catching the nasty ED thoughts – even if it is only catching 1 a day
Volunteer doing something you will enjoy. By volunteering, it gets you out of the house and also allows you to focus on something other than yourself and the ED which has invaded your life.
Share your talents. What are you good at? Project management? Writing? Design? Accounting? Do you know how to sew? Can you teach or tutor in a language? For every skill and ability, there’s likely to be a volunteer organization that could use your talents to support their mission.
Getting out of your residence – even if it to just go outside for 5 minutes. You can increase the time slowly day by day. Places you may choose to go are:
- Outside – your own yard or even a park if there is one you have access to. If you like to read take a book with you. This provides a distraction for you which helps decrease your anxiety.
- Outside and walk your dog if you have one, increasing the time you spend walking your pet slowly
- A coffee shop, staying and drinking your beverage there if you can. If you are unable to stay, just getting out and getting a beverage is a great beginning
- If you are a reader, try the library.
- Go to a movie theater, if finances are a concern, try a matinee; it is cheaper.
- Call a family member or a good friend who understands your struggle and go visit with them or meet them at the park or coffee shop. This allows you to keep the visit within the time limit you are able to handle.
- Find an area you are interested in and learn. This may mean learning by reading articles on the internet, going to the library and checking out a book on it (library cards are free), find a class on your interest even if the class is online if you are in a financial position to be able to do so.

Each time you are able to reach a goal you set for yourself helps you to realize you can do it and increases your self-confidence even if you don’t see or feel it at the time.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I know and believe that those of us who suffer from an ED of any type can beat it. It is hard work and at times feels impossible; but I am sure it is a goal that is obtainable to all of you out there.

KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!

Don’t let a slip turn into a slide

Not one of use who suffer from an eating disorder are able to “get it” immediately. We all struggle, especially in the beginning. Remember, recovery IS NOT LINEAR. It has its ups and downs. Some days we believe ‘I got this’ and other times we are so overwhelmed and want to throw in the towel. On those days we feel like ‘I got this’ we feel on top of the world…woo-hoo, finally! The days that we are overwhelmed are the days we struggle just to keep our head above water. These are the days we tend to let our meal plan slide. These are the days that we throw up our hands and say forget this crap. Those are the days we are most likely to begin to slip. We all have those days no matter how long we have been in recovery or how far we have come in our journey. The trick here is DON’T LET THE SLIP TURN INTO A SLIDE. If we can think about it in a more positive manner, we can prevent this from happening.

If you are able, reach out to your professional team to get help with this. Part of their “job” is to help us so the slip doesn’t turn into a slide. They may have tools to suggest that you can use to help you get back your motivation and courage (yes, it takes courage to beat this disease) and desire to ‘get back on the horse’ so to speak. They can help you to figure out what you need to change with your thinking so you can stop the slip. They will help you to not beat yourself up, something we all are way too good at doing. If you are unable to see what triggered the slip, they are there to help you, guide yourself to the answer, and work through it.

Check to see what tools you may already know and can use to make this process easier. The tools may be able for help you figure out what triggered the slip. Use those tools! Take a look at your motivation and use that to give you the gentle nudge you may need to make today a more beneficial and healthier day. Journal, get busy, use self-soothing. Use Check the Facts or Pros & Cons (both DBT tools) to see if you can find other ways to make better decisions when it comes to your meal plan. Meditation can be a valuable tool; I use the mantra meditation technique. Being an anorexic, my mantra for this is “I deserve and want to eat”. You can make your own mantra based on your type of ED. This is also where I turn to my higher power. I can get extra strength from him if I ask, then sit quietly and listen.

If you journal or keep a gratitude journal go back and read your wins or look at your progress list (if you made one). This can help us to remember that bad days happen, but you are moving forward and making progress even if you aren’t able to see that for yourself. If you don’t do either of those things, just sit quietly and see if you can find some progress in your recovery, no matter how small you may feel the progress is.

Each day is a new day, a new beginning, a fresh start. Each day we get up we can reaffirm our decision to do the best we can. Yesterday is over, today is all we have. So let’s begin by not beating ourselves up over a day where we were not able to achieve our meal plan. We cannot change it; but rather might use yesterday as a history book to see what NOT to do. If you are not happy with yourself over yesterday and your actions then you have the power to change them today. By this I do not mean change what you did but to just use your radical acceptance tool and accept. No judgement, no butt kicking of yourself. It was what it was. Remember, YESTERDAY IS OVER. Make a resolution to do better today. Then do it!

FINAL THOUGHTS:

KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!

Finding Purpose in Your Life

As persons with ED, a lot of us realize that we feel as though we have no purpose in our lives…nothing we can see that defines us as unique individuals except our ED. We feel lost and adrift in the huge sea of humanity. We have little if any self-confidence and no idea where to turn or who to turn to. All of our emotions feel overwhelming and out of control. So is it any surprise we feel like we have no sense of purpose. Who am I? What good am I? How can anyone care about me?

Finding a sense of purpose, however small can actually begin to answer these questions. But how do I do that, you are probably asking? Where do I start? After all, you probably feel so little and inconsequential and can’t see what you have to contribute to anyone.

Finding something to enable you to feel like you have a purpose will increase your sense of self-worth. An increased sense of self-worth helps us to be able to see more clearly that you can and do have a purpose. Everyone, including you, has a purpose and something to contribute . We can contribute without ever knowing we are. Smiling at a cashier or a simple thank you at the market can contribute to making them feel good. It definitely is a small thing, one we generally don’t think about, but it is true. Sometimes a smile or a ‘have a nice day’ can work wonders because we don’t ever know what their day has been like. Without ever knowing you have contributed something to someone, you have.

No one is saying your purpose has to be as huge as saving the world or creating world peace. Again, I say, start small; take baby steps. By setting a purpose for each day, not matter how small, the bigger purpose you want will come. Just getting up every morning with the idea of today is a new day is actually a purpose. You got up for whatever reason and that was on purpose. Your purpose for that moment was to get up and maybe make or straighten your bed up. As your recovery lengthens and strengthens you may come up with other things that you find give you a sense of purpose. Remember a sense of purpose is simply why you are here at this moment.

For far too long, I questioned what is my purpose in this life. I was at a loss to be able to tell anyone the answer to that question. After all, I felt as though I had nothing to contribute that was worth anything. I was adrift in my own head with the anorexia running through my head like an out of control freight train. I could see nothing good about myself. I tuned out anything good because I didn’t feel I deserved to feel good and was sure no one wanted to hear anything I might think or have to say. I sat and made vision boards expressing every bit of anger, confusion and self-loathing I felt. Along the way, on the few and far between days when I actually had a glimmer of hope, I was able to make some vision boards that expressed my hope for recovery. I brought some of the positive boards with me when I went into inpatient treatment. I shared them with my therapist who encouraged me to share them with the other clients. The reaction was very positive, so my sense of purpose began to grow as I realized I could encourage women who suffered from eating disorders, some of their disorders which were different from mine. But the thoughts, fears, emotions are the same no matter what variation of this disease you may have.

When I got home after 2 1/2 months my sense of purpose was to allow my creativity in this area to flourish. As my collection of boards grew, my creativity grew. So did my sense of purpose. I began to put together a book on DBT for Teens. Those who I have shared it with encouraged me to keep going. From that encouragement came the idea to start a blog. I gave it thought for over a year wondering if anyone truly could benefit from anything I had to say. I finally decided to take the plunge and do it. When I began to write these blogs to share with you I realized that for now this is my purpose. I will never know if anything I say in the blogs I write will help someone, though I hope it does. For now that is my purpose. Next year I may have a totally different purpose, who knows? But for now I feel a real sense of purpose.

Finding your sense of purpose takes time. Only you can decide what to do and where to begin on this quest which I believe helps a great deal towards beating this disease we suffer from. Step by step you can find it. Start small and don’t let anything or anyone get in your way. You DO have a purpose . For those of you reading this blog that have small kids and/or a partner you love, your purpose for now may simply be to get better. Your sense of purpose can and probably will change over time as you become physically and mentally healthier. That is okay. And in my opinion, that is the way it is supposed to be. None of us is the same today as we were last year. We change! And with those changes can come a new purpose in our lives. No need to let this overwhelm you, start small in seeking a purpose for your life. The growth you go through will enable your sense of purpose to grow along with you. Embrace finding a sense of purpose rather than being afraid of it. Remember, there is no right or wrong when it comes to finding a positive sense of purpose.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!