Tag: trauma

Books I Recommend

I am the type of person who wants to know everything I can about the eating disorder that has consumed my life for over 50 years.  Usually, at first, my research was an attempt to prove to myself that I DID NOT have this disease.  For most of us, if not all of us, we end proving to ourself that the diagnosis is correct and, yes, we do having ED.  At that point, my mind turned to research for that ‘quick fix’.  Sound familiar?  At some point, we begin to see that there is no such thing as a ‘quick fix’; that we actually have to do some tough and very difficult work.  Very frightening for most of us.  

These are 4 of the books I would recommend to read for those of us who suffer from any type of eating disorder.  I have read them and found them to be helpful – some of which were very helpful, some that were somewhat helpful and some just for knowledge of about our disease.  The books I am now most drawn to and find the most helpful are the books that contain knowledge that help me to see how and why my body and mind work ALONG WITH tools I can use to overcome the ED.  

If you choose to read or even peruse any of these books, there will be things you can relate to and things you think are pure junk.  Take what you need and leave the rest.  Understanding that you may not be in a place to believe at that time you are reading them what they have to say is normal.  Which is why I will at times refer back to them since as I recover I may be able to be more receptive to the information presented.

For those of you who don’t like to read or struggle with actually reading, many of these books are available on Audible (my personal favorite for audiobooks).  You can listen to them when falling asleep or driving somewhere.  I would recommend making a mental note of where you left off before you went to sleep and set a timer for when you want to stop listening or may fall asleep so you don’t miss out of an idea that might be beneficial to you in your journey. 

With some of these books there may be a workbook that goes along with the book. I would advise speaking with your professional support team before beginning any workbook.  This is simply because the feelings, thoughts and emotions a workbook may bring up can be difficult for us (especially in the beginning phases of our recovery) to handle.  When your professional team is aware of your work in any workbook, they will be prepared to help you deal with these uncomfortable thoughts.

Coping with BPD by Blaise Aguirre, MD & GillianGalen, PsyD

DBT & CBT skills to soothe the symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder

I know the title shows this book is for those of us who also suffer from BPD, yet I found the entire book contains situations, feelings, thoughts and emotions that every single one of us has felt and struggled with.  This is a very easy read with only 200 pages.  This book is my favorite go-to book when confronted with strong situations causing equally as strong thoughts and feelings.  I carry this book in my backpack where I keep my other things like my gratitude journal or templates I use to write out my thoughts when overwhelmed or stuck.  

Some of the chapters that are in this book address stuff like Anger, Other Intense Emotions, Loneliness, Observing Personal Limits, Urges, Negative self-Thoughts, and Who Am I just to name a few.  Within each chapter are 2 to 3 pages are different facets of each topic, so they are short, easy to read pages.  Each section starts with The Problem, What It Looks Like, The practice (with short explanations of each practice and ending with a checklist of each of the practices that were discussed.  Example:  under the chapter on Other Intense Emotions there are pages that address the feelings of Sadness, jealousy, Guilt, Shame, Fear and Disgust.  

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D.

Brian, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma

This book is a much longer read.  If you like to read, you may be interested in this book.  It provides a lot of information on how our bodies store the physical symptoms for any trauma we have experienced during our life.  Most of us with an eating disorder have experienced some sort of trauma during our lives.  Some of us have experienced repeated trauma most of our lives.  For me, it was an eye opener.  It helped me to realize that for far too long that most of the somatic (physical) sensations I felt were a result of what I went through and greatly helped to feed the eating disorder that was consuming my life.  This book does have a workbook though it is not necessary to use this in order to understand the book, the hows and whys of what we physically feel and the process of healing.

Decoding Anorexia by Carrie Arnold

How breakthroughs on Science Offer Hope for Eating Disorders 

This is a book that throughly explains the hows and whys and changes of our actual brain when we become a victim of an eating disorder.  It explains the neuroscience behind the changes to our brain.  For me, I found this book to be interesting since I am fascinated by why our physical brain changes which make it so much more difficult to combat our disease.  Having to fight our ED on 2 fronts, mental and physical changes to our brain can make it seem twice as hard.  This book is very much science based.  Therefore unless you are interested in that particular aspect of eating disorders this may not be the book for you.

Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach, Ph.D.

Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha

This  book talks mostly about the idea of radical acceptance, which is the art of accepting what is and what has been WITHOUT JUDGEMENT.  For a lot of us, we can be the most judgmental people about ourselves in our own lives.  This book “shows us the way step by step to stop being at war with ourselves and begin to live fully every precious moment of our lives “.  Radical Acceptance is a tool that I have found every professional tries to teach us and encourage us to use in our quest to get better, no matter the type of eating disorder we suffer from.  It is also useful in every aspect of our life.  

‘What is is” as I have found seems to be something the younger generation says.  But how do we come to that conclusion?  That is where this book can be of benefit to each of us.  It is not a difficult read though it is over 300 pages.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I know and believe that those of us who suffer from an ED of any type can beat it.  It is hard work and at times feels impossible; but I am sure it is a goal that is obtainable to all of you out there.

KEEP YOUR CHIN UP!  Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it.  Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!

Triggers

Triggers are things or words someone says that we encounter that makes us very uncomfortable and possibly allows us to indulge in our eating disorder.  These things can be something as simple as a number, the outfit someone wears, a situation and yes even a smell.  We become so super sensitive to the item/words/smells/situations/places that we tend to close up mentally.   Triggers can sometimes even cause somatic symptoms.  One of my own triggers is so severe that I instantly become nauseated.  

So what can we do when we find ourselves becoming triggered?  This is when we need to open our toolbox and use some of the tools we have.  Breathe, use distraction,  use a CBT or a DBT technique if you are familiar with them just to name a few.  

Make a list of things/words/smells/situations/places that you know are triggers to you.  Then work with your professional support team to help you to figure out what tools in your toolbox might work for each thing that you know is triggering.  This is called a ‘Cope Ahead Plan’.  You are pre-planning ahead of time so you have options for when you may be triggered.  Practice these tools BEFORE you need to use them.  By practicing our tools when we are calm, they are more likely to come to mind much more quickly when we need them.

If we do get triggered by someone we need to ask ourselves a question…Was the person aware that their actions/words are triggering to us?  If the answer to this question is yes, we have to make the decision as to whether we want this person in our lives.  We can always terminate the conversation; though for us it may be hard to do since most of us are not able to stand up for ourselves in the beginning of our recovery journey.  To do something like this takes practice.  However,  we NEED to realize that most people have no clue what may or may not trigger us or even what our individual triggers are.  Becoming upset is normal and natural, but it is up to us to let the person know that their words are making us uncomfortable in a private setting.  There is never a need to humiliate someone because we are triggered.

If the trigger is a situation, we can always remove ourselves from it.  When I go out with others I always drive myself.  This way I do not have to rely on someone who may not be ready to leave to stop and take me home.  I can excuse myself (if needed make up an excuse, such as I have a bad headache) and just go home.  Once I have removed myself I can reach out to someone within my support team and verbalize my emotions.

If the trigger is a place we can:

  • avoid going there
  • Go to the place for very small amounts of time, it may only be 1 minute the first time.  That’s okay!  Increasing the amount of time by small amounts each time.  This technique is a form on prolonged exposure.  
  • if you have to go to that place you could take a trusted person who may or may not be in your support circle.  Be honest with them so they know what to expect.  If possible let them know how they can help you.  Remember, people can’t help us if they aren’t aware of what is going on with us.   
  • Another option could be that you limit your exposure to that place if at possible.  Again, drive yourself so you can leave if needed.

If the trigger is a particular smell, remove yourself from the area in order to not smell it any longer.

Anytime we are triggered we can use our breathing techniques we have learned to calm ourself, our mind and our body.  DO NOT beat yourself up;  look at what you can do the next time you encounter the trigger.   Each time we handle any trigger we might have, it lets our brain know you are a strong person and you will not allow it to control you.  

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I know and believe that those of us who suffer from an ED of any type can beat it.  It is hard work and at times feels impossible; but I am sure it is a goal that is obtainable to all of you out there.

KEEP YOUR CHIN UP!  Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it.  Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!