healing – Wings of Recovery

All of us who suffer from low or non-existent self-esteem tend to wonder and feel like “what’s wrong with me?” are constantly in search for an answer to this age long question. This question can run our minds around in circles. We have all been there. To me this is an ever present question that I desperately sought and still seek an answer to. By believing there is something inherently wrong with us we tend to gravitate towards emotions and thoughts of “I am unworthy of … “; “I don’t deserve …”; or even “I can’t do … because…”, fill in the blank with your own thoughts. We are never able to truly relax and enjoy the life we have at that moment.

Radical acceptance is about fully accepting reality as it is, even when it’s painful or difficult. It means acknowledging the facts of a situation without trying to deny, fight, or change them. This doesn’t mean you approve of the situation or agree with it, it just means you recognize that it’s real. By accepting reality, you can reduce emotional suffering and focus your energy on what you can control, rather than being stuck in frustration or anger over things you can’t change. It’s a concept often used in mindfulness and therapy to help people cope with tough emotions and experiences.

Philosopher and psychologist William James once said, “the first step in overcoming any misfortune is to allow it to be”.

The saying of “It is what it is” is a form of radical acceptance. The situation is just that; and is neither good or bad. ‘“It is what it is” has no judgement attached to it, just the facts of the situation; which is exactly what Radical Acceptance is.

ACCEPTANCE IS NOT:

saying what happened is okay

giving up or giving in.

ACCEPTANCE IS:

acknowledging reality so you can marshal your psychological and emotional resources to move forward.

Learning to accept reality, and then using your skills to be as effective as possible, is the path forward and the way to end suffering.

Practicing radical acceptance involves a few key steps to help you acknowledge reality and reduce emotional suffering. To practice the Radical Acceptance tools you need to notice what you’re resisting. Pay attention to situations where you’re feeling anger, frustration, or denial. Ask yourself, “What am I struggling to accept right now?”. Next comes the acknowledge reality step; clearly recognize the facts of the situation, even if they’re painful. Remind yourself, “This is the way things are, whether I like it or not.” You also need to practice recognizing what you can and can’t control, which is to understand that while you can control your response, you can’t always control circumstances or other people. Another step involves allowing yourself to feel by letting yourself experience the emotions that come with acceptance—whether it’s sadness, disappointment, or grief—without judgment. Lastly we need to challenge unhelpful thoughts. You might want to consider noticing thoughts like “This shouldn’t be happening!” and gently shift them to “It is happening, and I can handle it.”

Some of the tools we can use to help us to practice this technique are mindfulness. Focus your thoughts on staying present. Avoid dwelling on how things could or should be. Ground yourself by paying attention to your breath or surroundings. Practice self-compassion; be kind to yourself. Acceptance can be hard, and it’s okay to struggle with it.

Radical acceptance isn’t a one-time thing. You may need to remind yourself to accept reality over and over, especially in challenging situations. It’s a skill that takes time to develop, but with practice, it can lead to less emotional suffering and greater inner peace.

Spend the next few minutes contemplating the role of acceptance in your life. What are some things you are having a difficult time accepting? Is this something I can control? What skills do you have and can use to accept those things?

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I know and believe that those of us who suffer from an ED of any type can beat it. It is hard work and at times feels impossible; but I am sure it is a goal that is obtainable to all of you out there.

KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!

Triggers are things or words someone says that we encounter that makes us very uncomfortable and possibly allows us to indulge in our eating disorder. These things can be something as simple as a number, the outfit someone wears, a situation and yes even a smell. We become so super sensitive to the item/words/smells/situations/places that we tend to close up mentally. Triggers can sometimes even cause somatic symptoms. One of my own triggers is so severe that I instantly become nauseated.

So what can we do when we find ourselves becoming triggered? This is when we need to open our toolbox and use some of the tools we have. Breathe, use distraction, use a CBT or a DBT technique if you are familiar with them just to name a few.

Make a list of things/words/smells/situations/places that you know are triggers to you. Then work with your professional support team to help you to figure out what tools in your toolbox might work for each thing that you know is triggering. This is called a ‘Cope Ahead Plan’. You are pre-planning ahead of time so you have options for when you may be triggered. Practice these tools BEFORE you need to use them. By practicing our tools when we are calm, they are more likely to come to mind much more quickly when we need them.

If we do get triggered by someone we need to ask ourselves a question…Was the person aware that their actions/words are triggering to us? If the answer to this question is yes, we have to make the decision as to whether we want this person in our lives. We can always terminate the conversation; though for us it may be hard to do since most of us are not able to stand up for ourselves in the beginning of our recovery journey. To do something like this takes practice. However, we NEED to realize that most people have no clue what may or may not trigger us or even what our individual triggers are. Becoming upset is normal and natural, but it is up to us to let the person know that their words are making us uncomfortable in a private setting. There is never a need to humiliate someone because we are triggered.

If the trigger is a situation, we can always remove ourselves from it. When I go out with others I always drive myself. This way I do not have to rely on someone who may not be ready to leave to stop and take me home. I can excuse myself (if needed make up an excuse, such as I have a bad headache) and just go home. Once I have removed myself I can reach out to someone within my support team and verbalize my emotions.

If the trigger is a place we can:

avoid going there
Go to the place for very small amounts of time, it may only be 1 minute the first time. That’s okay! Increasing the amount of time by small amounts each time. This technique is a form on prolonged exposure.
if you have to go to that place you could take a trusted person who may or may not be in your support circle. Be honest with them so they know what to expect. If possible let them know how they can help you. Remember, people can’t help us if they aren’t aware of what is going on with us.
Another option could be that you limit your exposure to that place if at possible. Again, drive yourself so you can leave if needed.

If the trigger is a particular smell, remove yourself from the area in order to not smell it any longer.

Anytime we are triggered we can use our breathing techniques we have learned to calm ourself, our mind and our body. DO NOT beat yourself up; look at what you can do the next time you encounter the trigger. Each time we handle any trigger we might have, it lets our brain know you are a strong person and you will not allow it to control you.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!