healing – Wings of Recovery

Overwhelming Emotions

We have all felt the overwhelming emotions that suddenly or even maybe slowly appear. Of course these emotions are always negative; for if they were positive they wouldn’t be what we call overwhelming and/or we might not even notice them.

Many of these emotions can be traced back to something that greatly triggers us. If you are like me most of the overwhelming emotions and triggers come from my childhood and the way I was treated or the way I perceived what was going on around with, around or to me. But sometimes they come for other reasons; possibly the friends you have or the relationship you are in. Relationships, either a friend(s) or even significant other(s) can be abusive if there is a pattern of negating or invalidating your feelings or working hard to convince you that you are wrong. These emotions can be range (just to name a few) from:

Anger
Frustration
Guilt
Shame
“I am not enough”
Disgust or humiliation at someone else’s words or behavior at my own words or behavior
Unheard
Invalidated

So what can we do with them, how do we combat them and lower the intensity?

We can start by acknowledging them; because yes, you are NOT being over dramatic, too sensitive, too dumb to understand the results of our responses, or any of the other excuses that others throw around to invalidate our feelings, thoughts and/or our emotions.
Hear what these emotions are trying to tell us…if we can listen, hear and possibly realize where they are coming from.
I use curiosity as another method to bring down the level of the overwhelming emotions. I start by:
- asking myself exactly what emotions am I feeling. The very thought of this step can be very difficult to do. We are so used to just feeling them and accepting them as “who we are” that it can be hard to sort out exactly what we are feeling. All we know is that the emotions are so incredibly strong and confusing.
- Be curious about why am I feeling this emotion. What started this process? Is this based on a trigger? If so, what is the actual trigger? Where does this trigger come from? Especially if it is from a past experience can you see that the experience is in the past?
If this emotion you are feeling is that intense, I use:
- Distraction to hopefully give my mind something else that is positive to focus on.
- Mindfulness to again refocus my mind. Repeating to myself that “I am in the present here and now”. “I am letting go of my past”.
- Using mantras to help my mind and subconscious to begin to believe I am letting go of anything I need to such as guilt, shame, self-criticism.
- I also use deep breathing techniques. By using these it allows your mind to focus on something else besides your emotions. I also use my mantras at the same time.
Talking to my mental health professional about these emotions. I find that talking about them helps lessen their intensity as well as getting some positive feedback on better ways to view the situation that is causing these emotions. They can also be helpful in giving you ideas on how to lessen their intensity.
Just like with everything and every tool we use it does require practice so that when you need that tool it is there for you to use with little or no thought process on your part. The mantras and the deep breathing I find are easy to do while you are watching tv and a commercial comes on. That is when I practice this stuff.
I also use a ‘new response’ that my therapist has shown me. Realizing the situation is not really under your control and that you really didn’t have anything to do with the situation or the trigger is a huge relief. A new response could be something as simple as “this was not really about me or who I am”.

We ARE NOT the overwhelming emotions we are feeling at that time. They are just a reaction to the words our mind is feeding us – so to speak. It is what and how we deal with them that starts to define us.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I know and believe that those of us who suffer from an ED of any type can beat it. It is hard work and at times feels impossible; but I am sure it is a goal that is obtainable to all of you out there.

KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!

Shame

SHAME…an emotion we tend to feel so deeply. It comes from things that others can’t seem to understand. So how do I know if I am feeling shame? Or could it be something else?

The definition of shame is: a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior. This definition of shame comes from an actual dictionary. Please note the word consciousness which means the DELIBERATE act on our part of exploiting or saying something that we intend to either hurt someone or getting them to do whatever we want at the time. This is something we all have done at some point in our lives.

That heavy, sticky shame feeling is so common—and it’s not a personal flaw. Shame is usually a learned response, not a truth about who you are. The good news: it can be softened. So how do I cope with and begin to lessen my feelings of shame?

Here are ways that actually help, not just what we have all heard over and over again of “think positive”.

1. Name it gently

When shame shows up, try: “This is shame, NOT A FACT.”

That tiny separation matters. Shame thrives when it feels unquestioned and absolute.

2. Get curious instead of critical

Ask yourself (kindly): • Where did I learn this was shameful?

• Whose voice does this sound like?

Often the answer isn’t you—it’s old rules, culture, family, or survival strategies that once made sense.

3. Practice self-compassion like a skill

This can feel awkward at first, especially if you’re used to being hard on yourself. Try this: • Place a hand on your chest

• Say (out loud if you can): “I’m having a hard moment. I’m still worthy of care.”

Neuroscience backs this up—physical warmth + kind language actually calms the nervous system. Also remember…words that we tell ourselves even just in our mind are so very powerful.

4. Share selectively

Shame weakens when it’s spoken to the right people. You don’t need to tell everyone—just one safe person, therapist, or support space. Shame loves secrecy; it shrinks with connection. I have found that once I share with one or more of my support team, the feeling starts to lessen if not go away.

5. Separate behavior from identity

Instead of: “I’m bad / broken / weak”. Try: “I did something I’m not proud of” or “I’m struggling right now”

You are not the problem—you’re a person having a problem.

6. Watch for “false responsibility”

Shame often says you should’ve known better, done better, healed faster. Ask: “Was I truly in control here—or was I coping the best I could with what I had?”

Most of the time, it’s the latter.

7. Let it pass through your body

Shame lives physically—tight chest, heat, urge to hide. Gentle movement, slow breathing, or even shaking out your arms can help release it instead of looping it in your head.

You’re not failing for feeling this way. You’re human—and learning how to be kinder to yourself is brave work 💛

FINAL THOUGHTS:

KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!

Radical Acceptance

All of us who suffer from low or non-existent self-esteem tend to wonder and feel like “what’s wrong with me?” are constantly in search for an answer to this age long question. This question can run our minds around in circles. We have all been there. To me this is an ever present question that I desperately sought and still seek an answer to. By believing there is something inherently wrong with us we tend to gravitate towards emotions and thoughts of “I am unworthy of … “; “I don’t deserve …”; or even “I can’t do … because…”, fill in the blank with your own thoughts. We are never able to truly relax and enjoy the life we have at that moment.

Radical acceptance is about fully accepting reality as it is, even when it’s painful or difficult. It means acknowledging the facts of a situation without trying to deny, fight, or change them. This doesn’t mean you approve of the situation or agree with it, it just means you recognize that it’s real. By accepting reality, you can reduce emotional suffering and focus your energy on what you can control, rather than being stuck in frustration or anger over things you can’t change. It’s a concept often used in mindfulness and therapy to help people cope with tough emotions and experiences.

Philosopher and psychologist William James once said, “the first step in overcoming any misfortune is to allow it to be”.

The saying of “It is what it is” is a form of radical acceptance. The situation is just that; and is neither good or bad. ‘“It is what it is” has no judgement attached to it, just the facts of the situation; which is exactly what Radical Acceptance is.

ACCEPTANCE IS NOT:

saying what happened is okay

giving up or giving in.

ACCEPTANCE IS:

acknowledging reality so you can marshal your psychological and emotional resources to move forward.

Learning to accept reality, and then using your skills to be as effective as possible, is the path forward and the way to end suffering.

Practicing radical acceptance involves a few key steps to help you acknowledge reality and reduce emotional suffering. To practice the Radical Acceptance tools you need to notice what you’re resisting. Pay attention to situations where you’re feeling anger, frustration, or denial. Ask yourself, “What am I struggling to accept right now?”. Next comes the acknowledge reality step; clearly recognize the facts of the situation, even if they’re painful. Remind yourself, “This is the way things are, whether I like it or not.” You also need to practice recognizing what you can and can’t control, which is to understand that while you can control your response, you can’t always control circumstances or other people. Another step involves allowing yourself to feel by letting yourself experience the emotions that come with acceptance—whether it’s sadness, disappointment, or grief—without judgment. Lastly we need to challenge unhelpful thoughts. You might want to consider noticing thoughts like “This shouldn’t be happening!” and gently shift them to “It is happening, and I can handle it.”

Some of the tools we can use to help us to practice this technique are mindfulness. Focus your thoughts on staying present. Avoid dwelling on how things could or should be. Ground yourself by paying attention to your breath or surroundings. Practice self-compassion; be kind to yourself. Acceptance can be hard, and it’s okay to struggle with it.

Radical acceptance isn’t a one-time thing. You may need to remind yourself to accept reality over and over, especially in challenging situations. It’s a skill that takes time to develop, but with practice, it can lead to less emotional suffering and greater inner peace.

Spend the next few minutes contemplating the role of acceptance in your life. What are some things you are having a difficult time accepting? Is this something I can control? What skills do you have and can use to accept those things?

FINAL THOUGHTS:

KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!

Triggers

Triggers are things or words someone says that we encounter that makes us very uncomfortable and possibly allows us to indulge in our eating disorder. These things can be something as simple as a number, the outfit someone wears, a situation and yes even a smell. We become so super sensitive to the item/words/smells/situations/places that we tend to close up mentally. Triggers can sometimes even cause somatic symptoms. One of my own triggers is so severe that I instantly become nauseated.

So what can we do when we find ourselves becoming triggered? This is when we need to open our toolbox and use some of the tools we have. Breathe, use distraction, use a CBT or a DBT technique if you are familiar with them just to name a few.

Make a list of things/words/smells/situations/places that you know are triggers to you. Then work with your professional support team to help you to figure out what tools in your toolbox might work for each thing that you know is triggering. This is called a ‘Cope Ahead Plan’. You are pre-planning ahead of time so you have options for when you may be triggered. Practice these tools BEFORE you need to use them. By practicing our tools when we are calm, they are more likely to come to mind much more quickly when we need them.

If we do get triggered by someone we need to ask ourselves a question…Was the person aware that their actions/words are triggering to us? If the answer to this question is yes, we have to make the decision as to whether we want this person in our lives. We can always terminate the conversation; though for us it may be hard to do since most of us are not able to stand up for ourselves in the beginning of our recovery journey. To do something like this takes practice. However, we NEED to realize that most people have no clue what may or may not trigger us or even what our individual triggers are. Becoming upset is normal and natural, but it is up to us to let the person know that their words are making us uncomfortable in a private setting. There is never a need to humiliate someone because we are triggered.

If the trigger is a situation, we can always remove ourselves from it. When I go out with others I always drive myself. This way I do not have to rely on someone who may not be ready to leave to stop and take me home. I can excuse myself (if needed make up an excuse, such as I have a bad headache) and just go home. Once I have removed myself I can reach out to someone within my support team and verbalize my emotions.

If the trigger is a place we can:

avoid going there
Go to the place for very small amounts of time, it may only be 1 minute the first time. That’s okay! Increasing the amount of time by small amounts each time. This technique is a form on prolonged exposure.
if you have to go to that place you could take a trusted person who may or may not be in your support circle. Be honest with them so they know what to expect. If possible let them know how they can help you. Remember, people can’t help us if they aren’t aware of what is going on with us.
Another option could be that you limit your exposure to that place if at possible. Again, drive yourself so you can leave if needed.

If the trigger is a particular smell, remove yourself from the area in order to not smell it any longer.

Anytime we are triggered we can use our breathing techniques we have learned to calm ourself, our mind and our body. DO NOT beat yourself up; look at what you can do the next time you encounter the trigger. Each time we handle any trigger we might have, it lets our brain know you are a strong person and you will not allow it to control you.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!