This is a blog that strives to give those of us who suffer from eating disorders various tools and tips to help us in our recovery journey. NOTE: Everything posted on this blog are MY thoughts and experiences, and should not replace professional advice. You should consult professionals who are experienced in the treatment of eating disorders.
I have come to realize and understand how important the words we say to our self are. The words we say stick in our brains and further allow us to beat ourself up. Words have more power than we understand and are so very powerful to our minds. Some words just by their very nature are judgmental. When we use negative judgmental words on ourself we are immediately telling ourself we did something “bad”. For anyone who grew up being constantly criticized we know this all too well. Some of use grew up hearing on a regular basis that we are stupid, ugly, too thin, too fat, cubby, crazy, everything is our fault, we should have, etc., etc., etc. These words become deeply embedded in our mind and very powerful. Thus we are sure that there is truth to what we heard over and over, even if we are not aware of the message. Until we realize that the words we have heard repeatedly that those words are NOT true, we live our lives as though they are a reality. This is actually called cognitive distortion. Let’s take the power out of those words.
Every time we use the word ‘should’ we are actually making a judgment about ourself and unfortunately for most of us, that judgement falls on the negative side of things. Especially when we fail to be able to follow through in the manner we think we ‘should’. I found, for me, the simple act of changing the word ‘should’ to the word ‘could’ removes a lot of the judgements I make about me. Instead of saying to myself “I should have done it this way”, I try to check myself and change it to “I could have done it this way”. This removes the negative judgement that I didn’t live up to my own expectations and instead shows my mind that I had and still do have options. And next time I could do it another way.
Take the word ‘control’. This word by its very meaning to our minds means we have some influence as to what or who we are dealing with. This is not always true. We cannot control other people, their words or their actions. When we fail to be able to do what our mind tells us what we should (there’s that word ‘should’ again) be able to do, that we can force the situation to be what we want, we then use that thought as a reason the beat ourselves up. The simple fact is we have no influence on other people or situations. Changing the word ‘control’ to ‘manage’ helps us to realize we can manage the person or situation by how we react to it.
By challenging the words we use, we can take the power out of all the negative thoughts we use on ourself. This is not an easy thing to do. It takes time along with many trials and errors. My suggestion is to make a list of words that contain negative judgements against ourself. Next put another word(s) next to it that is a kinder, gentler word(s) or phrase we could use in its place. If you are unable to think of a new word(s) ask your support team, either professional or friends and family, who can come up with ideas. There is a Change My Words template under the template section. Feel free to use it or to just use it as ideas for making your own. Use a spiral notebook to do this is you aren’t feeling creative.
FINAL THOUGHTS:
I know and believe that those of us who suffer from an ED of any type can beat it. It is hard work and at times feels impossible; but I am sure it is a goal that is obtainable to all of you out there.
KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!
This blog is going to be longer than most of my blogs. By the very nature of humans, not even considering our ED, we all have bad days, complete with wondering how it can be gotten through.
Even though I have been working very hard towards recovery, I, like you, have what in my mind are very bad days. I feel as though it is all I can do just to put one foot in front of another. I am quite sure that each of us battling this disease have days like this. No matter how well we may be doing towards our recovery, these days can feel so very overwhelming. We can feel so lost in our emotions, we can’t even begin to see the light, and may not be able to believe there is a light, much less how to handle these intense feelings and emotions. If we have been in recovery for any length of time and feel as though we have managed our ED well, we still have days like this. For me, they seem exceptionally brutal since I felt as though I have dealt with all of this bs. We may even be afraid to turn to our support system because we have been doing well and we feel as though we will let them down. We most likely feel as though we have let ourselves down; that “I will never ever recover”, or even “what’s wrong with me, why can’t I ‘get’ this”? Old thinking is hard to let go of, especially when we are having a bad day. Those old thoughts seem to pop up when we least expect them. Those thoughts helped us in a way that once upon a time we believed served and protected us in some way. I wish I had a magic wand to make all of these feelings and emotions just disappear; but it doesn’t work that way, and we all know this. The fear can be so severe that we just can’t think of what to do to help ourselves.
So what do we do on days like this? First and foremost, DON’T BEAT YOURSELF UP! I understand that this is much more difficult than it sounds. Sometimes hearing this from someone is enough, and sometimes we can’t ’hear’ those words and we continue to still berate ourselves, feeling like a miserable failure. I, just like the rest of you, at times, struggle with this. At times like this, my first go-to step is to reach out to my professional support. These persons will not be judgmental but rather understanding of our fears. At times, they can give you a way to channel your thinking into another thought that you are able to use to stop beating yourself up. You are not a terrible person but just a person who is having a bad day.
When the thoughts become dangerous is when we are not able to sit with our feelings and are contemplating an old behavior that leads to self-harm of one form or another. At this time, I cannot stress enough that this is when it is imperative; that is, you ABSOLUTELY NEED TO REACH OUT to your professional team. This may also be very difficult since many of us feel as though we are ‘a burden’ and that we are a phony because we have been doing well. Those are feelings that are a cognitive distortion. We are not a burden! Our professional team, especially those who have experience in treating ED, are well aware that there are going to be those days, thoughts, and feelings. They will be able to help you process the feelings you may be having before the slip turns into a slide.
Let’s look at the words ‘never’ or ‘ever’. Let’s challenge them because in reality, we know they are NOT true and are just cognitive distortions. The very word ‘never’ or ‘ever’ means for the rest of your life. Are you quite sure that you will never, ever recover? Do you really believe this is true? Can you allow yourself to believe that this feeling is only temporary and that possibly tomorrow or sometime in the near future, you will be able to pick yourself back up and get back on the horse? We have all been told repeatedly, and we might want to try to remember that RECOVERY IS NOT LINEAR. If this is a hard concept for us to grasp at this time, after all, most of us are perfectionists, and we detest feelings that cause us to think we have failed…know you have not failed…failure would be to give up totally and to completely stop trying. If you are reading this blog, know that I believe you haven’t given up.
Understand that everyone, including me, has days that we want to throw in the towel. When I was in treatment at the residential facility, I learned that all people have bad days. The trick here is to remember that. This is something that we don’t always realize. But it is really, really true. We just do not see it. All humans have days that they are not feeling 100%, no matter how ‘put together’ they seem to be. No bad days mean you are a robot without emotions, feelings, or thoughts that are unpleasant! Sitting with these fears is what you might try. I know they feel as though they will never go away, but they will. Believe it or not, if we “don’t feed our emotions,” they usually disappear in 90 seconds. It seems impossible to believe that, but the trick here and the key takeaway is “don’t feed the emotions.”
These days are the days when I have to take it back to the beginning! I force myself to do the very small things that I did at the very start of my recovery journey that helped me out. I use the small things since big things feel impossible. I am here to tell you that even doing this can feel so very hard. My small things are focused around self-care. Brush your hair, wash your face, brush your teeth, or just make your bed, if those are things you struggled with at the beginning of your journey. Then give yourself credit for being able to do this. “ I did it” goes a long way to letting your brain know you are NOT a failure, that you are making progress in spite of your negative emotions.
If you keep a progress list, read it again to remind yourself that you have made progress. If you keep a gratitude journal or any type of writing and keep track of your daily wins, reread them. Works the same way.
Yoga/Tai Chi or gentle stretching helps to reset your vagus nerve in your brain. The vagus nerve is one of the most important nerves in your body. It’s the longest cranial nerve and plays a huge role in the parasympathetic nervous system, which controls rest, digestion, and relaxation. When we are upset, there are physical changes our mind and brain go through. The vagus nerve supports breathing since our breathing tends to become ‘goofy’. It does this by affecting the muscles involved in breathing, helping regulate the diaphragm. This is the area of our mind that connects the gut and brain. The vagus nerve is a key part of the gut-brain process, influencing mood, mental health, and even conditions like anxiety and depression. To me, the most important (though they are all important reasons) reason to resetting the vagus nerve is because it triggers the relaxation response. Stimulating the vagus nerve (through deep breathing, cold exposure, or meditation) can promote relaxation and reduce stress. In short, it’s like the body’s superhighway for relaxation and balance—without it, we’d be stuck in a constant state of stress.
The idea of meditation (see the blog on meditation) feels at times impossible, especially when we are in distress. Try it! If you cannot concentrate on something, a pleasant event for you or a mantra, don’t panic. When you catch your mind drifting back to your distress, just gently and non-judgmentally, bring it back. Try this for whatever time you are able. Start with the goal of a small amount of time, even as small as one minute. Extend this time if and when you are able.
Other ideas, tips, and tricks are to use a breathing technique of your choice. You can also use distraction techniques where you do something, anything positive that takes your mind (even if it is a very short time) off of your negative thoughts. When they return, and they probably will if you are having a bad day, repeat any of these techniques over and over again. If you have access to some place that you consider nature, go there (if possible) and use one of the ideas listed above. Listen to POSITIVE, calming music is another way to help yourself. Maybe even try a new type of music that is calming, such as classical, close your eyes as let your mind find pictures that go with whatever you imagine or just sit quietly and ‘feel’ the music. Maybe songs that you liked when you were younger and in a better place can be helpful. Journal or write out your emotions, thoughts, feelings, and fears. Sometimes just getting them out in any form can be beneficial in lessening them. You don’t have to be an able to do these things perfectly!
Give yourself credit for doing any of the above techniques or any of the techniques that are in your toolbox. Remember, this tells your brain you are making progress, even if it is small, sometimes even tiny ways.
FINAL THOUGHTS:
I know and believe that those of us who suffer from an ED of any type can beat it. It is hard work and at times feels impossible; but I am sure it is a goal that is obtainable to all of you out there.
KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other, and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!
Doing Yoga or Tai Chi can be highly beneficial in eating disorder recovery because they promote mindfulness, body awareness, and stress reduction without focusing on weight or appearance. Both practices encourage present-moment awareness, helping individuals reconnect with their bodies in a non-judgmental way. They can reduce dissociation (feeling disconnected from the body), which is common in eating disorders. Yoga and Tai Chi can help to reduce stress and anxiety by activating the parasympathetic nervous system, promoting relaxation and reducing stress-related eating disorder triggers. They also lower cortisol levels (the stress hormone), which can help regulate appetite. Many people with eating disorders struggle with compulsive exercise. Yoga and Tai Chi offer gentle, intuitive movement rather than intense, calorie-driven workouts. These practices focus on how the body feels rather than how it looks, fostering self-compassion. Both disciplines teach breathing techniques and meditative focus, helping individuals cope with urges, anxiety, and emotional distress. Practicing self-compassion through movement can counter negative self-talk and perfectionism often associated with eating disorders. The gentle movements can improve digestion and circulation, which may be disrupted by eating disorders. Certain yoga poses (like twists and forward bends) can help with bloating and discomfort from reintroducing foods into recovery. Attending yoga or Tai Chi classes (especially trauma-informed ones) can provide social support and a sense of belonging without a focus on appearance or fitness levels. Classes in your area can be found by googling yoga (or tai chi) classes near m e. Those of us who are not in a financial position to pay for classes can find guided lessons on You Tube, including all levels. I would suggest you check out the you tube videos before you decide to sign up for an actual class, if this is something you are interested in. Trying it out via youtube videos may save you from spending money on a class that you find out is not for you.
FINAL THOUGHTS:
I know and believe that those of us who suffer from an ED of any type can beat it. It is hard work and at times feels impossible; but I am sure it is a goal that is obtainable to all of you out there.
KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!
Breathing techniques are powerful tools for reducing stress, calming the mind, and improving overall well-being. By focusing on your breath, you can bring your body and mind into a state of relaxation. There are several breathing techniques that you can use. Choose the one that is best suited for you. All of these techniques require practice, practice, practice! Practicing a technique should be done while you are calm. This allows your brain to go to the breathing style and come to the front of your brain quicker when you are stressed and/or anxious. I do my practicing during tv commercials, after all what else do you have to do when watching the incessant commercials. I find that combining a mantra while breathing in and a separate mantra when breathing out has become very helpful to me. Such as breathe in and say to yourself “I breathe in calm”, while breathing out I repeat “I breathe out fear”. You may want to find your own mantra(s) that speak to you. Practicing this way, especially when in a calm state, helps to not only calm ourselves but to rewire our brains with positive beliefs. All types of breathing techniques begin with sitting or lying down in a comfortable position. After that each technique is different with different steps.
Diaphragmatic breathing, also known as abdominal breathing, involves breathing deeply into your diaphragm rather than shallowly into your chest. Place one hand on your chest and the other on your abdomen. Inhale deeply through your nose, allowing your abdomen to rise while your chest remains relatively still then exhale slowly through your mouth, feeling your abdomen fall. That’s it! Repeat for 5-10 minutes.
The 4-7-8 breathing is a type of pranayama, or focused breathing, that uses controlled breath to improve physical and mental health. This technique was developed to bring a person’s nervous system out of “flight or fight” response. 4-7- 8 breath work stimulates the vagus nerve, which engages the body’s relaxation response, and can positively impact cardiovascular, respiratory and gastrointestinal systems. Inhale quietly through your nose for a count of 4, hold your breath for a count of 7 then exhale completely through your mouth for a count of 8, making a whooshing sound. Repeat the cycle 4 times.
Box breathing, also known as four-square breathing, is a simple and effective technique. Inhale slowly through your nose for a count of 4, hold your breath for a count of 4, exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of 4 then hold your breath for another count of 4. Repeat for 4-5 minutes.
Alternate nostril breathing, or Nadi Shodhana, helps balance the mind and body. Close your right nostril with any finger that is comfortable. inhale deeply through your left nostril, then exhale through your left nostril. Release your right nostril after exhaling. Next close your left nostril with any finger. Inhale deeply through your right nostril then exhale through that nostril. Repeat for 5-10 cycles.
FINAL THOUGHTS:
I know and believe that those of us who suffer from an ED of any type can beat it. It is hard work and at times feels impossible; but I am sure it is a goal that is obtainable to all of you out there.
KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!
Meditation is a practice where you focus your mind to reach a state of calm, clarity, and emotional balance. Meditation has been used to help create mental well-being, reduce stress, and enhance self-awareness for thousands of years dating all the way back to 5000 BCE. This is a tool where practice, practice, practice helps to make it more effective. Mediation is not a quick fix. This practice will NOT produce instant lasting results in the beginning. It is a well established fact that it takes about 21 days for our minds to actually believe what we are trying to teach it. Remember, practice makes everything work better. So practice, practice, practice!
Using meditation is a powerful tool for ED recovery because it helps cultivate mindfulness, emotional regulation, and a healthier relationship with food and the body. Meditation helps individuals become more present in the moment, making it easier to recognize hunger and fullness cues rather than acting on automatic, disordered behaviors. It allows space to observe thoughts without judgment, reducing negative self-talk and body dissatisfaction. Eating disorders are often fueled by stress, anxiety, and perfectionism. Meditation lowers cortisol levels, promoting a sense of calm and control. It can help prevent stress-induced urges to binge, restrict, or engage in other disordered behaviors. Meditation strengthens the ability to sit with uncomfortable emotions rather than numbing them through food-related behaviors. It fosters self-compassion, helping to counter feelings of guilt or shame after eating. Mindful meditation encourages intuitive eating by improving awareness of physical and emotional hunger. It helps separate true hunger from emotional cravings, reducing impulsive eating behaviors. By strengthening impulse control, meditation can help lessen the urges to binge, purge, or overexercise. It creates a pause between thought and action, allowing for healthier choices. Many eating disorders leave us with severe low self-esteem and body dissatisfaction. Meditation fosters gratitude, acceptance, and self-love. Practices like loving-kindness meditation help redirect harsh self-judgment toward compassion.
Meditation is not nearly as difficult as you might think. Though it is a technique that needs practice. You can practice it anywhere you can find a quiet place to relax. There is no time limit on how long you need to meditate. If you only have 5 minutes or 30 minutes, you can do it. Start small. As you get more comfortable and experienced you can gradually increase the time you meditate. Try not to spend time wondering if the time you have set for yourself to meditate is soon to be up.
Begin by finding a peaceful and quiet environment where you won’t be disturbed. A quiet room, a corner in your home, or even a park is all you need. If practicing this in your own home you may want to set up a calm, clutter-free corner for meditation. Having an actual visual item can help you to focus. I love grooming horses because doing that gives me a sense of deep inner peace, so I have a horse statue I can focus on. I find that soft music with no vocals helps me to get into the mind space needed. Sit in a comfortable position. You can sit cross-legged on the floor/ground, on a cushion, or in a chair with your feet flat on the ground. If you are out in nature, sitting against a tree will work. Stay flexible, if sitting still feels challenging, try walking meditation or mindful breathing while doing daily tasks Keep your back straight but relaxed; this may take some practice to relax. If possible, try to meditate at the same time each day (like after waking up or before bed) to build it into your routine. This is not a requirement, but rather to help you to create a daily ‘go-to’ routine.
Next close your eyes. This helps reduce distractions and increase your attention towards relaxing. Focus on your breath. Breathe normally, naturally and pay attention to your breath. Notice your inhale and exhale. Feel the sensation of air entering and leaving your nose or how your chest and belly rise and fall. If it is possible, try to “belly breath” which is a technique where you breath deeply and are able to fill your belly, not just your lungs with air. If you can’t do belly reaching don’t worry, it’s okay.
It’s natural for distracting thoughts to arise. Instead of fighting them, gently acknowledge them and bring your focus back to your breath. You may have to do this repeatedly especially when just beginning to practice meditation. Don’t beat yourself up if you find you need to do this a lot. That is so very normal. Meditation takes practice, so don’t be discouraged.
When you are done, slowly open your eyes. Take time to notice how you feel before moving on with your day. If it feels good, you can wiggle your hands, feet, arms or legs.
Some of the best meditation practices for eating disorder recovery are:
Mindfulness Meditation: This form of meditation focuses on the present moment, body sensations, and breath.
Body Scan Meditation – Helps reconnect with the body in a neutral, non-judgmental way.
Loving-Kindness Meditation – Encourages self-compassion and positive affirmations.
Guided Meditations for Eating Disorders – Many apps and YouTube videos offer recovery-focused meditations.
Mantra Meditation: This method uses silently repeating a word, phrase, or sound to focus the mind. For me, who lived in consistent state of fear, the phrase “I am safe” is a phrase I found that helped lower my constant fear level from a 5 (on a scale of 1 – 5) down to a 1. I have since added other mantras to my meditation while still incorporating my original “I am safe” into my meditation occasionally throughout my mantras.
These apps offer guided meditations, courses, and timers to help you stay on track.
Headspace – Great for beginners with guided meditations, courses, and sleep aids.
Calm – Offers guided sessions, breathing exercises, and relaxing soundscapes. This is the app I use on a regular basis. It has both guided and unguided sessions with or without music tracks and many different time lengths to chose from.
Insight Timer – FREE and extensive, with thousands of guided meditations and music tracks.
Ten Percent Happier – Focuses on mindfulness and is great for skeptics.
Smiling Mind – Offers programs tailored for different age groups and stress levels.
Simple Habit – Ideal for busy people, with meditations as short as five minutes.
Other resources you may find helpful to learn or to practice meditation would be:
YouTube: Channels like The Honest Guys or Michael Sealey offer free guided meditations.
Podcasts: Check out podcasts like The Daily Meditation Podcast or Meditative Story.
Books:
The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hanh
10% Happier by Dan Harris
Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn (my dietician recommended this to me)
FINAL THOUGHTS:
I know and believe that those of us who suffer from an ED of any type can beat it. It is hard work and at times feels impossible; but I am sure it is a goal that is obtainable to all of you out there.
KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!
Keeping track of the progress we have made is imperative to the success of our recovery. We need to be able to recognize we are progressing, no matter how small the progress is. Some of our progress will show up under the Today’s Wins if you are keeping a gratitude journal. No matter whether you keep a gratitude journal or you don’t, having our progress in black and white is a great reminder of how far we have come.
My ‘I am making progress because’ list is something I add to whenever I feel the need to remind myself of the progress of my recovery. Another benefit to keeping track is that you can give it to your professional support team easily. This lets them see what you are making progress in. I myself, put each time I add to it a different color so I can see the growth.
I have put out a sample of my progress report to myself. Several templates for this type of list are out under the templates blog section. You can either print them (and there are several different templates) out there, or just use them to design your own. You don’t have to use a “pretty” page; it can just be written done in a spiral notebook. It is up to you.
FINAL THOUGHTS:
I know and believe that those of us who suffer from an ED of any type can beat it. It is hard work and at times feels impossible; but I am sure it is a goal that is obtainable to all of you out there.
KEEP Y0UR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!
Triggers are things or words someone says that we encounter that makes us very uncomfortable and possibly allows us to indulge in our eating disorder. These things can be something as simple as a number, the outfit someone wears, a situation and yes even a smell. We become so super sensitive to the item/words/smells/situations/places that we tend to close up mentally. Triggers can sometimes even cause somatic symptoms. One of my own triggers is so severe that I instantly become nauseated.
So what can we do when we find ourselves becoming triggered? This is when we need to open our toolbox and use some of the tools we have. Breathe, use distraction, use a CBT or a DBT technique if you are familiar with them just to name a few.
Make a list of things/words/smells/situations/places that you know are triggers to you. Then work with your professional support team to help you to figure out what tools in your toolbox might work for each thing that you know is triggering. This is called a ‘Cope Ahead Plan’. You are pre-planning ahead of time so you have options for when you may be triggered. Practice these tools BEFORE you need to use them. By practicing our tools when we are calm, they are more likely to come to mind much more quickly when we need them.
If we do get triggered by someone we need to ask ourselves a question…Was the person aware that their actions/words are triggering to us? If the answer to this question is yes, we have to make the decision as to whether we want this person in our lives. We can always terminate the conversation; though for us it may be hard to do since most of us are not able to stand up for ourselves in the beginning of our recovery journey. To do something like this takes practice. However, we NEED to realize that most people have no clue what may or may not trigger us or even what our individual triggers are. Becoming upset is normal and natural, but it is up to us to let the person know that their words are making us uncomfortable in a private setting. There is never a need to humiliate someone because we are triggered.
If the trigger is a situation, we can always remove ourselves from it. When I go out with others I always drive myself. This way I do not have to rely on someone who may not be ready to leave to stop and take me home. I can excuse myself (if needed make up an excuse, such as I have a bad headache) and just go home. Once I have removed myself I can reach out to someone within my support team and verbalize my emotions.
If the trigger is a place we can:
avoid going there
Go to the place for very small amounts of time, it may only be 1 minute the first time. That’s okay! Increasing the amount of time by small amounts each time. This technique is a form on prolonged exposure.
if you have to go to that place you could take a trusted person who may or may not be in your support circle. Be honest with them so they know what to expect. If possible let them know how they can help you. Remember, people can’t help us if they aren’t aware of what is going on with us.
Another option could be that you limit your exposure to that place if at possible. Again, drive yourself so you can leave if needed.
If the trigger is a particular smell, remove yourself from the area in order to not smell it any longer.
Anytime we are triggered we can use our breathing techniques we have learned to calm ourself, our mind and our body. DO NOT beat yourself up; look at what you can do the next time you encounter the trigger. Each time we handle any trigger we might have, it lets our brain know you are a strong person and you will not allow it to control you.
FINAL THOUGHTS:
I know and believe that those of us who suffer from an ED of any type can beat it. It is hard work and at times feels impossible; but I am sure it is a goal that is obtainable to all of you out there.
KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!
Wings of Recovery 