writing – Wings of Recovery

A Message to ED

ED,

Notice I didn’t say ‘Dear ED’. I only use that term as a term of endearment and you, ED, are not endearing. You are so unwanted that there isn’t strong enough words in the world to tell you how unwanted you are.

Once upon a time you were my best and one and only friend. For a long time, I thought you were helping me. You came into my life quietly, offering control when everything felt out of control. You whispered lies that sounded like truths—that being thinner meant being better, safer, more worthy. You convinced me that if I just followed your rules, I’d finally feel enough. And at first, it felt like maybe you were right.

But slowly, you took more than you gave. You turned my thoughts into obsessions, my confidence into fear, my body into a battleground. You made me believe that hunger was strength, that isolation was discipline, that shrinking made me powerful. You made me feel guilty for existing. You stole joy, relationships, spontaneity—everything that made me. You made promises you never intended to keep.

And the truth is—I’m tired. I’m tired of living in fear of food, tired of measuring worth in calories and numbers, tired of the constant war inside my head. I want more than what you offer. I want peace, connection, laughter. I want my life back.

This letter isn’t about pretending you were never there. I know you showed up for a reason. You tried to protect me in a world that sometimes felt too much. But your protection has a price I can’t pay anymore. So here’s the truth…I DON’T NEED YOU.

I’m learning to trust my body again. To listen to hunger not as weakness but as wisdom. I’m learning that healing is messy, but it’s mine. And every step I take away from you is a step toward freedom. YOU DON’T GET TO DEFINE ME!

Goodbye—for now, for good, or however many times I need to say it.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I know and believe that those of us who suffer from an ED of any type can beat it. It is hard work and at times feels impossible; but I am sure it is a goal that is obtainable to all of you out there.

KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!

Masks

If you are like me, you go through our lives not knowing who you really are. We try hard to be everything to everyone. We do everything in our power to “be perfect”. We feel like we have to be all things to everyone. We try with all our might to not let others see what we believe we are or what we actually feel about ourselves. We are so lost in the idea of “who am I”, we have totally lost track of US! We feel as though we are nothing but masks that we can put on and take off depending on the situation. Our masks are some much a part of our lives we don’t even realize most of the time we are wearing them or switching them out. Masks allow us to pretend to be someone we want to be. If your life is unhappy, we usually have the belief that if we just could be what others say we should be we will just be happy. Then we put on our masks to hide who are really are.

I have come to realize that the masks we think we wear aren’t masks, but really are parts of us. Usually they are small parts of us that really exist. After all, how can we wear a mask of something we don’t somehow, somewhere inside ourselves feel. If you put on what you view as a mask of kindness, you may be surprised to find kindness is really there inside of you. The mask of being happy contains the part of us that really strives to be happy, even though we may not think so. The mask of caring can show us that we are really a caring person even if we don’t feel it at that time.

As soon as we are able to understand masks aren’t masks but rather just a part of who we are deep inside we can begin to embrace each part of ourself. We can nurture it and help it to blossom and grow. We begin to believe we are NOT a phony, but rather who we are…a kind, caring, compassionate, loving, nurturing person.

What parts of you are you seeing as a mask? Does these parts of you exist buried somewhere inside of you? How can you bring those parts to the front of our life? This is where, again, your professional team can be of help. Make a list of the “masks” you think you wear. Put a check mark next to each of the items in your list that you know are a real part of you. I think you will be surprised at the results.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!

I know I am making progress because…

Keeping track of the progress we have made is imperative to the success of our recovery. We need to be able to recognize we are progressing, no matter how small the progress is. Some of our progress will show up under the Today’s Wins if you are keeping a gratitude journal. No matter whether you keep a gratitude journal or you don’t, having our progress in black and white is a great reminder of how far we have come.

My ‘I am making progress because’ list is something I add to whenever I feel the need to remind myself of the progress of my recovery. Another benefit to keeping track is that you can give it to your professional support team easily. This lets them see what you are making progress in. I myself, put each time I add to it a different color so I can see the growth.

I have put out a sample of my progress report to myself. Several templates for this type of list are out under the templates blog section. You can either print them (and there are several different templates) out there, or just use them to design your own. You don’t have to use a “pretty” page; it can just be written done in a spiral notebook. It is up to you.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

KEEP Y0UR CHIN UP! Take baby steps towards your recovery, put one foot in front of the other and know, with a capital K, you CAN do it. Even if you can’t see it now, the world needs you!